Who is the Real Barbara Radisavljevic?

Although I took public speaking in high school and enjoyed it, writing was the form of communication I liked best. I don't think well on my feet, but written communication gives me a change to weigh my words, whether in a short note or an article online. I find it difficult to retain information I hear or even read unless I interact with it in writing. I guess you could say I write to learn, as well as to work through my experiences, find meaning in them, and share them with others. 

As the experiences of my life unfolded, and I was too busy to think much of writing anything but lesson plans and letters, I was gradually, but almost unconsciously, gathering material that would become part of my writing today. These experiences included growing up in a close family, remaining close to my family through my adult years, and being present when my mom died. I worked in the public library,  lived in a UCLA  dormitory, got married, taught English, sold books in person and online, parented foster children we also adopted and taught in our home school.

Most of my life I volunteered as a Sunday School Teacher, choir member, youth worker, and/or Bible study leader in whatever church I belonged to at the time.. I have also experienced the death of both parents, both in-laws, and both children. Some of the most important lessons I've learned I probably will never be free to write about because I would not be able to do so without telling stories others might rather not have told. There are few stories that are not part of the stories of others. 

I did not find my public writer's voice until I found Squidoo, a site later bought out by HubPages. Through contacts at Squidoo I found the other writing sites  I've written for, including Wizzley . My Squidoo friends also introduced me to Zazzle, where I now have two stores. I finally feel as though I fit somewhere, and I hope that my writing may help others find purpose and get through the rough places in their lives. 

There is some doubt as to the meaning of my first name. When my parent's named me, they thought the name Barbara meant "gift from God." I have no idea where they got this meaning. When I took Latin, barbara meant "foreign, stranger, alien, or barbarian." (Don't ask my husband about this one.) If I look at my life, I'd say the stranger, foreigner meaning fits best. I've always felt I was different than others in my life. 

In school, through a series of crazy events, I skipped a grade. I wish I hadn't because I was always the different one in elementary school. My friends were in the grade before mine. In junior high, I had only one friend in my own grade. At church, in high school, I was not in the clique. I could be friends individually with a few of the girls, but not part of the group of nine. I later figured out I was just too much of an individual to fit. I hung out with my friends in the grade before mine outside of church, with other "loner" girls at church,  and with other Latin students at school. I didn't really get into my element until I got to college. 

It was at college, UCLA to be exact, that I met Kosta, my Serbian husband. So when I married, I was again the foreigner, always hearing a different language when we were with his family. Oh, they spoke English some of the time, but all the good discussions were in Serbian, and I only understood a few words. I felt this even more strongly when I went with Kosta to meet his aunts, uncles, and cousins in Croatia and Serbia. The culture shock really hit me. I had to get by with the bit of German I could remember from college when with his cousin living in Germany, and the Croatians and Serbs also could speak German.  By the time I left Yugoslavia, which it still was in 1972 when we were there, I truly did believe my parents named me well, even though they didn't realize what my name really meant. 

Even after leaving Europe, where we spent a month, I have known that I am a pilgrim and stranger in this world. Popular culture leaves me cold, and I realize I feel more and more alienated by it as I grow older. I see no reason to do what the rest of the world does, watch and listen to what it does, or read the books on the bestseller list, with a few exceptions. I don't want to put garbage in because I don't want to spew garbage out. I take as my standard the Biblical exhortation to think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, excellent, and worthy of praise. There are times I don't live up to this, but it's still my goal. 

That gets us to my last name. It used to be Hart -- a carefree deer. But Radisavljevic means "working all the time." That also fits. I've always worked hard at anything that interests me, and now that is writing on HubPages, Wizzley, Persona Paper, Virily, and myLot, and stocking my Zazzle shops.

These sites, plus my six blogs, keep me spread pretty thin.  Two are at Blogger, and four are on WordPress, all of which are self-hosted. I also contribute to ReviewThis!Reviews.

That brings me to one other thing you ought to know about Barbara Radisavljevic. She tends to procrastinate about things she doesn't like to do. I know the standard advice is to do those things first, but  I am very good at rationalizing why it's OK to write or Zazzle instead of doing bookkeeping, setting up and maintaining websites, and trying to dispose of book inventory now that I've retired from bookselling. I want my house back. It's like a mountain I need to climb and I guess I'm waiting to find a ski lift that will take me there instead. 

Now you know the real Barb -- at least more than most people know. Whether she is Barb, BarbRad, barbsbooks, or WannaB Writer, she's the same. She wears a lot of hats, but they have to fit on the same head with the same thoughts and motivations. And whatever name she is acting under has to answer to the same God and has the same purpose of helping to make Him known.