Why You Should Never Be Quick to Judge People

All living things have feelings and emotions. If they have a nervous system, a spinal cord and a brain, then they can feel pain.

Have you ever stopped to think about what impact your judgement on someone else has done to them, personally?

Many of us haven't. Why should we? We're likely never to see them again. But, your judgement will stay with them for the rest of their life. This is okay if:

• They have the right kind of temperament to deal with it.
• Your judgement was only one amongst a few.

Let's take the first point: They have the right temperament to 'cope' with poor judgements.

What is the right temperament? There is no easy answer to this. But, if that person is able to continually bounce back and get on with their lives without lasting damage, then you have gotten away with it. However, many of us don't have that kind of mentality, me included. We are unable to shake off this view that we are disliked, are worthless and, in turn, we can start to believe what others say about us. We may think we are different or even know, but that view can change. If you are continually told you are wrong or moody, eventually you'll start to believe that.

The consequence of this is a shattered self-esteem, low self-confidence and gradually a fear of others. Does this seem extreme? Maybe, maybe not. We are all different, we perceive a situation different to what others do. Therefore, a reaction to a situation shouldn't be immediately considered 'wrong', just because it doesn't fit in with the 'norm' or the typical.

If, when, why you have made a judgement on someone else, ask yourself these questions and consider these facts:

1. Do you have all the facts? If you know this person only by what others have told you, what is stopping them from lying to you, making their own judgements about the person or even just playing with the truth?
2. When this person made this decision or behaved in this way, were you actually there? Maybe you weren't and you are making your judgement by a story you heard about the event. Did you speak to the person involved? Did you find out the reasons why they made that particular decision? What do they actually feel about the decision they had to make?
3. The judgement, as does the lie, often says more about the person giving it than it does about the person it involves. Think back about that person instead and what they are like as a person, and what, if anything, they have to gain by making that judgement, and take the heat off the judged person just this once.
4. Find out for yourself about this judged person especially if it is a close family member. Ask questions, talk to them, find out the reasons why they acted this way. If you still don't approve of their actions, move away from them and think more about what they have said about it to you. If you still don't approve after this, think about why. Does it make them a bad person, really? After all, they may have made the decision because they didn't believe they had a choice. It was right for them at the time. You don't know truly how they feel unless you ask.
5. Could they have a mental illness that makes their behaviour erratic or difficult to understand? Even if you don't understand their condition, please don't persecute them. Just know that it doesn't mean they are incapable of feeling or making valid decisions. They are still human!