Anti-Valentine's Day Piñata: Beat the Crap out of Couple-talism

by JoHarrington

Sick to death of all the romantic fuss over Valentine's Day, or has it just come at the wrong time for you this year? Work out your frustrations with a hearty whack at a piñata!

With couples ogling each other at every turn, and pushy peers asking constantly when you're going to get a date, Valentine's Day can become a bind.

It might be that your broken heart isn't likely to make it through the romance season this year; or merely that you're quite happy being single, and most unhappy at being questioned about that, at length, as if it's something abnormal.

Or maybe you're in a very committed relationship, and won't be told by the likes of Hallmark, when you should be demonstrating your love. You manage very well without the palaver any other time of the year.

Whatever has you hot under the collar, here's the perfect Anti-Valentine's Day gift for you.

The Centerpiece of your Anti-Valentine's Day Party

What do you mean you haven't organized a party for your friends on February 14th? It's the perfect answer to those who persist in asking if you have plans!

Image: Candy with LOL on it.Imagine the scene.  You lay on a few drinks and nibbles, then invite around a gang of like-minded friends.

These are the people who haven't got a date tonight, when it seems that the whole world is putting pressure on them to do so. These are the people who have no intention of getting a date, especially when it's all to fuel the bulging profits of the Romance Industry. (Whatever happened to 'can't buy me love?'). These are the people who have dates, who always have dates, and feel no immediate need to prove it.

But most of all, these are the people who have had as much as they can stomach regarding the ubiquitous, money-grabbing, soul-wrenching demands of Valentine's Day and all who shop for it. 

Then you hand them a big stick and...

Anti-Valentine's Day Heart Piñata

Batter into Bits a Heart Piñata for Anti-Valentine's Day

You even get to receive all the chocolate that your heart could desire, as long as you fill it up first!

It will be the most cathartic moment in your social calendar for the entire year. Each one of your friends having fun striking a blow for love, for common sense, for all that's winding them up about the Romance Season.

For those here to make a point, their aggression will be channeled into something that can be legally punched. For those there because their own relationship just failed, then this makes breaking a heart more fun than was ever thought possible.

Plus there will be prizes. You know your audience. What will you stuff inside the anti-Valentine piñata? Chocolates? Candy? Lots of little bottles of the hard stuff, wrapped in something buoyant, so they don't smash on contact with a stick or the floor?

Or what about little cards with affirmations of well-being and worth, from the friends who know you best? It's your party. Your plan. Your piñata to do with as you will.

More Heart Piñatas to Beat into Submission

Subvert the industry by smashing them because such merchandising deserves a whack!

More Anti-Valentine Day Articles

Not into all the romantic, profiteering twaddle that permeates society on February 14th? Then you should throw a party! And here are the reasons why.
If only romance leads to 'true love', then are other relationships 'false'? Occupy Valentine's Day asks us to think about our messages.
Tumblr users are shouting, 'Down with couple-talism!' They are protesting the commercialization of love and the persecution of friendship.
Updated: 01/16/2015, JoHarrington
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JoHarrington on 01/12/2014

WordChazer - Ok, I'm being talked into this. I'll see what I can knock up.

JoHarrington on 01/12/2014

Ember - LOL I'd nearly forgotten about them!

WordChazer on 01/12/2014

Come on, you wrote articles on the Hell's Angels Lapdogs and the Zombie Gnomes, so why not plush toy virii too?

Ember on 01/11/2014

Here I am, tempting you.

Do it, do it, do it!

JoHarrington on 01/11/2014

It is wrong that I had to look it up? But yes! The Black Death Plushie amused me more than anything. And don't tempt me. I might just do that, if no-one else nabs it first.

Ember on 01/11/2014

You should do an article for them! :D (Maybe even a Valentines day one). I'd just love to see what you actually ended up writing for it XD

I did think that if there was an appropriate one to send you, it'd be the yersinia pestis plushie.

JoHarrington on 01/11/2014

I absolutely love that this is a thing. I forget about it, then see the tab open and see another one, then it's the giggles all over again. I mean, I'm looking at a plush toy for leprosy! And the Plague! And mange! I live in a world where there exists a malaria stuffed toy! I'm in bits here.

April_M on 01/11/2014

We have the plush toy of the common cold, and another but I can't remember what disease is lurking on the shelf...

JoHarrington on 01/11/2014

younghopes - Me too! I'm so tempted to get one!

JoHarrington on 01/11/2014

Ember - That has got to be the riskiest click of the day, but surprisingly cute at the other end! You've got to remember that you're a biologist. When I link to things, it's going to be sweet, innocent history. When you link to things, it could easily be a close up of the things that live in my eye-lashes.

But no. It was a herpes plush toy. Sorry, got the giggles so badly here. Fabulous!

And yes, a thriller like Contagion, but a whole new spin on the St Valentine's Day massacre.

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