Sarcastic Christmas Greetings for People You Don't Like

by AbbyFitz

Holiday cards for unwanted house guests, annoying co-workers, and people you just would rather not know.


It's the time of year when we wish everyone peace on earth and have good will towards all mankind in our hearts.

Yeah, right.

Sure, you feel that way about most people. But there's always that one person that just rubs you the wrong way. If you could, you'd tell them where to stick that fruitcake.

Luckily, there are Christmas cards that can convey your intended holiday wishes to that certain someone.

A Christmas Card for Someone You Didn't Buy a Gift For

But not because you forgot to...

Outside: I put so much thought into your gift...

Inside:'s too late to get you one now. Merry Christmas anyway.

Do you want a good reason to not buy someone a Christmas present? This card will get you off the hook.

In this consumer society, everyone expects everyone to give them a Christmas present.

Really, it's one thing to give someone a present because you want to. You shouldn't be expected to give a gift to someone who does your dry cleaning twice a year.

Give them a card to show you're thinking of them, just not enough to spend your hard-earned cash on them.

Christmas Greetings for the Co-worker that You Don't Like

A great card for all those group gifts you get suckered into

Outside: I hope you like this gift...

Inside: ...because I'm taking partial credit for it. Happy Holidays.

'Tis the time of year for tacky office Christmas parties.

A bunch of your co-workers thought it would be a good idea to go in together to get someone a Christmas gift. You can't look like the bad guy and say you'd rather not.

Go ahead, give a group gift. Pull the lucky gift recipient off to the side and give them this holiday greeting after they open their present.

You end up looking great at the office, and your co-worker knows just where you stand.

A Christmas Card for Unwanted House Guests

Sometimes, honesty is the best policy

Outside: Santa Claus has the right idea

Inside: Visit people once a year

You're tired of friends and family who come to visit for a few days, which then turns into a few weeks.

To make matters worse, they think they have to rack up hotel rewards points by staying at your house. Way. Too. Often.

This cute little card will let them know that your hospitality is available, but only on a limited basis. It's done in a nice way, of course. After all, who can resist the jolly old elf himself?

Christmas Card for Annoying Neighbors

You know, the ones that think they're better than you?

Outside: Your Christmas decorations are over the top...

Inside: ..ugly and utterly distasteful. Happy Holidays!

You put up a reindeer, he put up 12. You added Christmas lights to your walkway, he outlined every bush in his yard with lights set to music.

What started out as simple holiday decorations has turned into the Rocky Horror Christmas Show.

Don't get mad. Don't try to get even. Send them a Christmas card that's straight from the heart. You'll be doing the neighborhood a favor.

Looking for a Politically Correct Christmas Card?

For the PC nut in your life.

Outside: It's that time of year again...

Inside: ...and whether you're offended by me saying Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, take comfort in knowing I don't really mean either.

You tell them Merry Christmas, and they tell you you're alienating a major group of people. So you tell them Happy Holidays, and they tell you you're offending Christians.

Really? Can't they just take a good wish and move on?

Everyone knows a PC nut. No? You probably haven't wished them Merry Christmas -- no, wait, Happy Holidays -- no. Happy Kwanzaa?

To cover your bases, send that politically correct person this card and let them know what a killjoy they are for the holidays.

Can't we all just get along?

Updated: 11/28/2015, AbbyFitz
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AbbyFitz on 10/17/2014

Thank you!

whitemoss on 10/17/2014

Funny but mean!

AngelaJohnson on 09/05/2014

These are funny, but I'd never send a card like these. Now some "bah, humbug" cards would be good.

AbbyFitz on 12/04/2013

Thank you. Unfortunately it's not a lovey dovey world

AbbyFitz on 11/16/2013

I never have had that particular problem, but I know plenty of friends who have family come and stay and stay and stay lol

dustytoes on 11/16/2013

Abby, you live in Florida right? I totally get your including the "unwanted house-guests" one! It's one of the worst things about living in a tourist state - everyone wants to mooch and vacation for free (not for you, of course)..Great page. I LOVE this last one...hahaha

AbbyFitz on 11/01/2013

Thank you!

JoHarrington on 11/01/2013

This is such a novel idea! I love it! Much tittering here too.

AbbyFitz on 11/01/2013

Thank you for reading!

AbbyFitz on 11/01/2013

You are hilarious :)

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