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Can I get some feedback, please?  

Looking for a fresh set of eyes

 
marciag
Posts: 45
Message
on 05/20/2013

I love writing, but or so I've become so mixed with all the sales pages idea that it's pretty much what I have done lately. Today, however, I wanted to write something that doesn't sell anything (well hardly anything Laughing ) and I wonder what others think of my 'writing voice'. Did I lose it? Is my article interesting or better go back to doing sales stuff only?

Any points and critique appreciated - and while visiting the page, I don't mind if you take part in the short duel I set up. I am genuinely curious about the answers to the question I asked.

So here is my page: What is a dystopian society

 


frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 05/20/2013

marciag,

I think your article was written beautifully...

If you're looking for feedback, these are the things that popped into my mind...

I am not personally familiar with dystopian society literature, media, etc...you could probably get a nice niche of a few articles out of this one (with sales, too!). Maybe one that just focuses on our current level of government intrusion on our lives, one devoted just to hunger games (with sales items for fans sprinkled about)...you get the idea?

It's fine the way it is...absolutely...but if you want to try some articles that aren't "all about sales" you will still draw fans of each of the popular shows/books you mentioned...so give them all their own page with fan type gifts...

Then, link all of these together and walk your reader through?

Just some ideas...but again, it is a great piece and I learned a lot about a topic I knew little about! So thanks!


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 05/20/2013

I didn't realize you had done others on the topic! So sorry...I knew you did great meditation pieces but didn't know you wrote about other stories like Hunger Games and your recent dystopian society piece - thought this was the first time touching on this topic. I should have looked first at your article list...my apologies!


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
marciag
Posts: 45
Message
on 05/21/2013

Thanks a lot for the kind comments - yes, I've been on a recenty 'dystopian kick' on various platforms because it's pretty much what I"m reading about right now :)


cazort
Posts: 98
Message
on 05/31/2013

I found this an interesting and provocative topic.  Thank you!  I'm a big fan of the page already!

My one main concern, a small comment, but something I found a bit annoying, was in your debate module, when you ask "Is Our Society Moving To Become A Dystopian One?" you give two options:

  • Yes, and I think because...
  • No, I think our society is perfect because

I don't like this choice.  I personally strongly dislike strong dichotomies like this...where I'm forced to pick between two statements that I don't agree with.  I.e. the idea that "our society is perfect" is like a utopia, I don't think many people would believe that.  But I also don't think that a society is a dystopia just because it's not perfect.

I'd recommend changing the answers / choices in this module, and trying to make it so that (a) you cover all possible answers with the two choices, and (b) the choices are balanced in that you expect to get a reasonable number of people in both category.

One way you could do this would be options like: "Yes, I think our society is becoming like a dystopian society, because..." vs. "No, our society may have problems, but it's not a dystopia, because..."

I think these are both more reasonable stances...in that you'll get a large number of people wanting to answer in both categories.  I think this will ultimately spark better discussion, and will also avoid the problem of readers thinking "there's no choice for what I think!".

But I think the page is really good overall.  I think this is a really interesting and thought-provoking genre of literature, and some of my all-time favorite books fall within it!


Alex Zorach, editor of RateTea and co-founder of Why This Way
marciag
Posts: 45
Message
on 05/31/2013

I'm wondering if it's not better to actually use a poll, because there there are more possibilities rather than just 2. But I'm not sure whether we can actually make comments when we answer poll questions? Great idea though - and thanks for your great comment on the page - I'll think of something how to put it better!


cazort
Posts: 98
Message
on 06/04/2013

I definitely like polls better in most circumstances...they do allow more options.

Polls can also be really useful because you can use them to gauge something about your readers, which, when you come back to the page 6-12 months later, you can use to guide editing or rewriting the page using the new information you have gathered about your audience!


Alex Zorach, editor of RateTea and co-founder of Why This Way
marciag
Posts: 45
Message
on 06/04/2013

Good point!


frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 06/04/2013

Maybe this sounds goofy and, well, I AM goofy...

But I would like to be able to add a "comment module" more than once sometimes...

What I mean is, to truly open discussion up without being a black/white duel or poll where no one can speak...there are times in the middle of an article I would love to just ask a question. Currently I have to try to squeak it into the end comments if there is some dialogue I'm searching for, so if I title my comment too specifically then maybe it will keep others from commenting?

Does that make sense?

I really can't think of a good example right now because we are still heading west in the rv and are exhausted...so here is a simple one off the top of my weary little head...

If I do an article on lucky numbers...maybe I want to ask people half way through the article what their lucky number is (I can't list every number in a poll and a duel would limit two) and why they think it is lucky.

But at the end of my article I just want basic comments on my article...where they can voice if they believe in "luck" etc.

That's my idea after over a week on the highway.........................be kind to me.:)


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 06/04/2013

Robin - this is one of those things that sound good as ideas but, in the long run, lead to confusion. We've tried this in the beginning on Pagewizz ... people would place comment modules after every text module. It's not worth the extra work with corrections and messages and arguments and what-have-you.

If you have questions for your readers--no matter where in your article--ask them to answer in the comments. Then they know already what to write for their comments. You'll probably get more (good) comments, that way.


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 06/05/2013

I completely understand, Chefy!! Thanks for responding so quickly!

One thing I thought of after blabbering on is that some folks might see a "comment" type section and think the article is through, too! That wouldn't be good either.

I can see why, overall, this just isn't a good idea for many reasons.

Thanks again for the clarification!


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
Jyreeil
Posts: 8
Message
on 09/16/2013

Looks pretty good to me, besides the things people have already mentioned.  I've already read a few of the books you've mentioned, but I'm sure it will get people to want to read some of them.  Like I've said before, I like when people break up the text into smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read, so it was good for you to do that.


marciag
Posts: 45
Message
on 09/17/2013

Thanks Jyreeil, I also like when people do that, so I've been doing it for years, as a freelance writer you can't really do otherwise. I'm glad I picked up this useful technique early on. Now I write 3-4 sentences in one paragraph and automatically split right after (basically I learned in school that each separate idea should have its separate paragraph).


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