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Can I get some feedback, please?  

My first page on Wizzley - seeking your opinion

 
WriterArtist
Posts: 145
Message
on 05/14/2013

Dear fellow Wizzley writers,

I have published my first page. Would love to have your opinion and feedback on it.

Thanks for taking out the time to review.

Why Are Elephants Endangered Species - Facts About Elephants, Their Behavior and Habitats

 

WriterArtist


KathleenDuffy
Posts: 162
Message
on 05/14/2013

Hello!   I loved your article.  I've only been here for a couple of months myself so I am not really qualified to comment on it from the point of view of an experienced Wizzley writer.  I was getting a bit worried because no one's answered you for ages - so I thought I'd poke my oar in!

 I thought it was very sincerely written - lovely illustrations and it obviously comes from the heart.  I notice that the sentence that comes in the first block, i.e. the summary  (Our beautiful planet was once inhabited by many exotic creatures that are extinct thanks to the worldwide phenomenon of poaching growing at an alarming rate.) -  is repeated in your next block, i.e. the intro.

Perhaps you don't  need to repeat this sentence in the intro.

 

I used to have contact with elephants in the 1960s and they are beautiful, intelligent creatures. I think you've done them proud!

Kind Regards - Kathleen

 


Kathleen
dustytoes
Posts: 1140
Message
on 05/14/2013

I enjoyed your page.  Very nice and great photos!  I left a comment there.


WriterArtist
Posts: 145
Message
on 05/15/2013

Dear KathleenDuffy,

Thanks for the feedback.

I thought that the summary should be the first 2,3 sentences of Intro. However; I will change it now.


WriterArtist
Posts: 145
Message
on 05/15/2013

Thanks Dustytoes for the comments and feedback.


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