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★ Editor's Choice

Homeschooling Socialization: An Oxymoron?

Homeschooling & socialization is like peanut butter & old shoes, according to most people! In reality, the peanut butter of homeschool goes great with the jelly of socialization.

The "S" Question

Everyone's first question to homeschoolers is always "what about socialization?"

If you homeschool your children, or if you are homeschooled, then you have surely heard the "S" question: but what about socialization? It seems that most people who don't homeschool think of it almost as a "gotcha!" question - unanswerable, and as such, a complete reason in itself not to homeschool.

But every homeschooler knows that socialization is pretty much a nonissue - socialization in homeschools happens naturally and in a much more productive and beneficial way than can ever happen in the fabricated environment of an institutional school.

Homeschooling Socialization T-Shirts

Admit it, homeschoolers - you know you've wanted to answer this way at least once!

  • Forgot the Socialization
    Forgot the Socialization
  • I'm Supposed to Be Socialized?
    I'm Supposed to Be Socialized?

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The Truth About Homeschool and Socialization

Institutional schools do not offer socialization in a real-world setting.

The truth is, the "socialization" that takes place in public schools is frequently negative and even at its best, does not give children a true picture of relationships in that oft-cited paradigm, "the real world."

There is only one place in the "real world" of adult life where a person has no choice but to "socialize" with a specific set of persons and no ability to leave an undesirable social situation, and that is behind prison bars.

Forcing children to "socialize" only within a narrow age range, and with the same set of persons day in, day out, with little more escape than a prison term offers, is not a picture of the real world and does not actually convey a healthy set of skills to deal with the real world once they are out in it.

Homeschooled children, on the other hand, deal with the real world from day one. They learn to socialize from family, of course; but also in all sorts of real-world social settings from the grocery store to the playground at the park, and from all ages of people from children much younger than they to adults and even the elderly.

The Social Benefits of Homeschooling

The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling

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Homeschooling and Socialization: Your Opinion?

Can homeschooled kids get plenty of good socialization?

Yes, it is easy for homeschoolers to get plenty of socialization!

  • Homeschoolers live real life and have many opportunities to interact with people of all ages in daily living situations. This is real and useful socialization. They play on sports teams, go to the swimming pool, church, grocery store, post office, book store, and anywhere else you would go in daily life. These are all opportunities for social interaction with people of all ages.

  • You said it yourself - socialization occurs naturally in a real-world environment. My homeschool grads are very positively socialized - people, including their employers and college professors, love having them around.

  • I completely agree with you. My girls can talk to anyone and have friends based on common interests rather than age.

  • I'm going to be homeschooling next year for the first time and everyone keeps trying to talk me out of it. I won't be persuaded, I would rather my child model my behavior than her peers and as far as socialization, we are involved in sports and church activities all over town.

  • Joyce Geleynse

    Amen to all you said!!! I homeschooled my kids and they are now very successful adults with healthy friendships and interesting careers. As children, they learned at a young age how to talk with adults comfortably. They also learned to enjoy life together as siblings.

  • Proud mother of 3 very well socialized homeschooled children.

  • My Jason thrived socially during the years he got his education at home. He had friends of all ages from those much younger to the seniors at church who called him to come help fold church bulletins. I was a scout, a youth group member, and had many friends in the neighborhood. In his first school years he found it much harder, since he had little in common with most of his classmates. He was a very bright boy stuck in special education classes because of his need for one on one instruction.

  • We homeschooled our now teenage son and I'm very glad that we did. What's more, he's very glad that we did!

  • Kelleigh

    Don't know why it placed me on the "no" side...I'm "YES" all the way!

No, school socialization is still the gold standard because ...

  • You say "socialization in homeschools happens naturally " - what nonsense.

    Socialization has to be artificially created unless you are "homeschooling" a large group of children. So - you want to completely control your child's input.

    You wouldn't be religious by any chance? :(

  • Kelleigh

    As a former public school teacher, I found myself doing a lot of interventions with bullying and negative socialization every day. The institutionalized school setting provides skewed and sometimes dangerous socialization opportunities for many students. I believe that homeschooled kids have the opportunities to be exposed to real world socialization where they are authentically interacting with people of all ages. That is where the hard work of the homeschool parent comes in (getting the kids out there!). Yah for homeschoolers!

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Dr. Laura Schlessinger"Research examining home-schooled students’ academic achievements have consistently found that they score higher than the national norms on standard achievement tests. So the only grenade left to throw at home-schooling parents is that they are hurting their children socially and emotionally."

~ Dr. Laura, Home-schooling Does Not Hamper Socialization

Why Is Homeschooling Negatively Associated with Socialization?

Why is the socialization question treated like an unaswerable problem?

Why does the non-homeschooling community automatically assume that homeschoolers cannot possibly be properly socialized? Probably because, as children, most of us were raised in an institutional school setting, and it is all we know. All of our friends were met at school ... so if children don't go to school, how will they meet other children?

Well, guess what? People who choose to homeschool love their children and want them to have friends, too. And the parents want friends too - friends who won't be always nagging them about why their kids aren't in school. So in a perfectly natural progression of events, most homeschooling families seek out and find other homeschooling families.

Homeschool groups are formed on a variety of bases: families who use the same curriculum, or who have children of the same ages, or who live in a close geographic area, or who want a study club, or who want to go on field trips together (with the group discount!), or who just want to get together at the park for ... wait for it ... social time.

However they choose to do it, homeschoolers find each other and kids get play time. My own four children, who have never been inside a school building, have been involved for years with their homeschooled peers in art classes, theatrical productions, science co-ops, park play groups, craft clubs, book discussion groups, and too many other social activities to mention.

Every other homeschool family I know is involved in all those activities too. Though new people come into our group every year, or move out of town (just as new people come into and leave schools), my family's local homeschool group has been a stable group of friends - for myself and for my children - for ten years.

This doesn't even take into account all of the other social outlets available to all children: Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, 4H, sports teams, church groups, community activities, and, of course, kids around the neighborhood. In fact, homeschooled children often have more time and ability to take advantage of social opportunities - such as community theater, choir, volunteerism, and the like - and they also find a much broader range of people with whom to socialize. "Socialization" means learning to get along in the real world, with people in a variety of age groups, not only with people born within twelve months of their own birthdays.

 

Socialization Shirts for Homeschool Kids

Have a little fun with the "S" question!

Immunized for SocializationImmunized for Socialization
Will Socialization Hurt?Will Socialization Hurt?
What Is Socialization?What Is Socialization?
Spelling SocializationSpelling Socialization

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As I tell people who ask me about socialization for homeschooled kids: It is less a question of working hard to find enough social opportunities for the kids than it is a question of turning down enough social opportunities to find enough time to stay home and do some lessons!

Warning! Homeschooled!Warning! Homeschooled!

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More About Homeschooling and Socialization!

This article is one of a series on homeschoolers and socialization skills.

  • Does Homeschooling Create Shyness? Homeschooling and Socialization

    Many people worry that the supposed lack of homeschooling socialization opportunities will create shy kids. In fact, the opposite is true.

  • How to Socialize for Homeschoolers

    Believe it or not, it's not that hard for homeschoolers to find opportunities to socialize and learn healthy socialization skills!

More Great Homeschool Socialization T-shirts!

Homeschooling and Socialization Go Together Like T-shirts and Torsos!
A collection of the very best sassy answers to the "S" question on t-shirts, hats, hoodies, and more gear for homeschoolers!

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All images copyright © tandemonimom.
All rights reserved.

Updated April 10, 2012

Homeschooling and Socialization - What Do You Think?

tandemonimomMar 31, 2012

@MuminBiz: Yes! Weird parents and families produce weird kids whether they are at home or in school. Good point!

HealthforLifeMar 30, 2012

Love the tshirts ;) and agree with you 100%.
Socialization is in the real world, on real situations, and homeschooling should not be looked down upon or as a strange approach. This site also has great articles on the subject - http://www.hslda.org/default.aspx

MuminBusinessFeb 11, 2012

I have just started officially educating my oldest and this is always the first question I get asked. Personally, I take the time to make sure she is exposed to other people though this is not hard as I am quite a people person myself so they all come with me wherever I go so not really a problem.

In terms of children being weird because of home education! I think before making such a judgement, consider if the parents are weird. Weird parents produce weird children whether they go to school or not! And who defines weird anyway?

GuestOct 4, 2011

Actually, some of this problem of "socialization" depends upon where you live. There are lots of active homeschooled kids who have ample opportunity to meet and socialize with other kids but there are those who are isolated, too. In some rural areas, families would have to drive a long, long way to get together with other homeschooled families. It's not always that simple.

Susan52Jun 5, 2011

You know, I think one misconception about socialization is that it takes place only from 8:15 to 3:15, during school hours. That's totally not true. Socialization takes place anytime ANY family is out and about, socializing. That means after school clubs, little league games, playing in the park, visiting with friends, even shopping in the grocery store. What I loved about homeschooling is that my children could accompany me to many kinds of social outings, and I could accompany them to theirs. They had plenty of interaction with other children their age, but the advantage was that they interacted with children both younger and older than they were - and with adults, too. That seems so much more "real life" than being sequestered in an age-segregated classroom for six or seven hours a day.

WebWriterJun 5, 2011

Excellent page. I learned a lot about home schooling.

BizzyBeeJun 4, 2011

Homeschooling worked for us!

JoeBlowJun 4, 2011

Interesting article. I think all kids could benefit from better socialization (speaking in generalities here, of course) .

lakeerieartistsJun 1, 2011

That may very well be. We chose to send our girls to a Jewish day school for their primary and middle school education, and public high school for secondary.
Depending on where people live the public education system may be diverse or not, excellent or not, flexible or not. Our public school system is quite good, and my daughter has gotten a much better education than I could have ever given her at home. However, we have also had an influence on her as well, and as she goes off to college I see our influence clearly.
As I said, I am on the other side of the fence. I believe that all children should attend school in a structured setting outside of the home for at least part of their schooling, because I think the homeschooling parents on this forum are the cream of the crop, and that many people homeschool their children to isolate them from the mainstream of society, never allowing them develop minds of their own.

tandemonimomJun 1, 2011

Paula: Do you really think it takes TWELVE years of 6- to 8-hour days to learn "the system?" And my kids interact with a much more diverse population than they would if they were in any of the public schools around us.

tandemonimomJun 1, 2011

Lesley - welcome to homeschooling! We're glad to have you. ;-)

theraggededgeJun 1, 2011

Yes, yes and more yeses! The problem with school is that it is not diverse enough. The children see the same people in the same place every day. They learn a code of behaviour that they immediately have to unlearn as soon as they interact with the 'real' world. Schools are like hospitals - they operate, for the most part, outside of the real word. The structure is artificial so those who don't fit, don't conform or question authority are immediately classed as 'difficult' or worse. We love home-schooling and we are pleased that our children are more socialised than most of the children around here - at least they are able to hold conversations with almost anyone they are likely to meet.

lakeerieartistsMay 31, 2011

This is an excellent article although I have to admit that I am on the other side of the fence. I believe that children need to have some "regular" school settings to learn to interact with a diverse population of people.
Children need to learn to interact with the majority of the population who does go "through the system" at some point in their lives or they will not know how to deal with the system.
We are specifically sending our two daughters to a public high school that is very much integrated in terms of demographics for just that purpose. It is up to us as parents to guide them through the system, and how to excel in all situations.

evelynsaenzMay 31, 2011

My terrific, unschooled children are fun, know how to communicate with people of all ages and are launching into a world they are certainly prepared for socially.

thelesleyshowMay 31, 2011

These are hilarious! I'm thinking I need one badly...lol Great job! I'm just starting my homeschooling journey and I'm already getting the whispers and nonsense. My own family is giving me a hard time (except my wonderful mom) who knows what public schools can do to a teenager later in life ....I give you example A right here. =) I'm ready to raise a strong, independent child who loves the Lord and models her mom not her peers.

mandeesearsMay 31, 2011

Socialization in public schools can have major problems -- especially on a childs' self-esteem. I take my hat off to you and everyone that has taken such an active role in the education of their children!

GuestMay 31, 2011

I think this is the best article on Homeschooling and socialization I have read (and I have read far too many of these). Well done. I shared it around a bit.

Movie Treasures By BrendaMay 30, 2011

Another great job, Carma.

Susan52May 30, 2011

I love the "Warning!" t-shirt design, but then I love all those designs since I can SO relate to them. We started homeschooling almost 25 years ago and it's amazing to me that socialization is still a question, as it was then. You answered it very well!

DianneMay 30, 2011

What a great explanation of socialization for homeschoolers. Yes, when people asked me about it, it did seem like they thought it was a "gotcha" question. When kids come over to my house I can tell which ones have been socialized well. Some will barely look an adult in the eye and others carry on a conversation with me with no problem. You guessed it. The ones more comfortable talking to me are almost always homeschoolers.

JimmieMay 30, 2011

I LOVE these t-shirts. Wonderful!!

petuniaMay 30, 2011

I think homeschooling moms are a super solution for many children today. I never considered that option for my children, but now, I think I would consider it strongly. Socialization seems a non-issue to me. No child willingly keeps himself from other children. Children are naturally sociable - as are most other humans. They don't require school to "learn" that skill.

pkmcrMay 30, 2011

Homeschooling has not taken off as yet in the UK however I am sure it will grow in popularity. The issue of socialisation is therefore one that people are going to encounter and you have provided some sound advice here.
tandemonimom
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