How can I deal with Stress at Home? The Fourth Part

by MuminBusiness

Have you ever wondered how to deal with stress while at home?

Stress at home - Who would have thought it? Home should be a place of rest and relaxation but when you are there all the time, caring for little ones, older ones, working or maybe even out of work, it can become something of a prison.

Finding strategies to help you thrive is a must when things get difficult. This article is part of a series of tips featuring Remy, a stay at home mom of two.

Back on to Remy's Story...

A little Alone time

The evening had arrived and the children were in their room upstairs.  In the living room, Remy could hear the comforting cadence of her husband, Sam’s voice as he read the children a story to soothe them to sleep. 

Remy was alone for a few minutes before Sam joined her and she was making the most of the quiet to think through her day.  Having a few moments alone was a pleasure she really appreciated.  She found herself thinking through the events of the day and thinking about how life used to be pre-children.

Pre-Children and Post-Children

Her timeline was split in two now – Pre and Post-children.  She felt like two completely different personalities; Pre-Remy and Post-Remy.

Today, she had awoken with a vague sense of dread.  This happened pretty regularly these days as she wondered how on earth she was going to fill her time that day. 

Pre-Children: she would have woken up and gotten straight up to get ready to face the world of business.  She had a purpose and would have got right into it. 

Post-Children: Each day was a long, tiring day with a whole lot of activity and yet she could not always really tie down everything she had done.  She felt like she was stuck on the slow lane watching all the cars whizzing past her on the highway as she slowed down to deal with the demands of her young children. There was no doubt that she loved them but sometimes she looked back on the day and just could not work out what she had done all day. 

And yet, she felt tired. 

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The Emotional Conflict

In this day and age, Remy felt like a bit of an exception, an odd ball.  She had chosen to spend her time with her children even though it did not come naturally to her.  The obvious, logical solution was to go back to work and give it all up as a bad job.  Most of her friends and family could not understand why she did not do this, so she was a bit isolated from the people she cared about as she felt misunderstood and looked down upon.

The emotional conflict was overwhelming at times.

Yes, she felt stressed but Remy loved her children, she loved the time she was spending with them, she loved being the one they turned to when they were in need, she loved being a mother.  It was certainly not easy and definitely nothing like her previous life and yet, she was reluctant to return to that old life as she just could not shake the feeling that here at home was where she was meant to be.

Finding a way to cope with the stress of her new life and the conflicting feelings she had, became a priority for her.  She needed to talk to someone who understood how she felt, maybe it was time to find new friends.

Stay at Home Moms

How do you deal with these very real feelings?

On the one hand, you want to be a Stay at Home Parent but on the other, you are stressed with it all and no one understands your reasoning for staying at home. Sometimes you even doubt yourself.

Thinking particularly about women and our choices, we can shoot ourselves in the foot when we decide OUR way is the only way.  We then feel the need to diminish other people's choices, as if we each do not feel guilty enough. I have been a victim of other women's scorn at my childcare choices but I have also been a self-righteous idiot towards others, even if just in my mind.  Why do we do that?

It is true that each person makes different choices based on their own convictions.  However, we need to be accepting of each other.  Is there a rule book on bringing up perfect children? No.  

Despite all this, we can be the creator of our own isolation if we allow tiredness and stress to convince us that we are alone in thinking the way we do.  The chances are that at least one friend was chosen because we are pretty similar in the way we think. 

Make time to hang out with friends – Do not isolate yourself whatever the reasoning.

Other Parts in this 'Dealing with Stress' Series

Updated: 02/28/2012, MuminBusiness
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MuminBusiness on 02/29/2012

That is what we all want - to be able to look back on our choices and realize we did good. While in the throes of it though, it can be tough.

Thanks for your input. Very encouraging!

sheilamarie on 02/29/2012

I'm sure there are many Moms out there who feel the way you do and will benefit from the way you are expressing the conflicts "Remy" is experiencing. I was there myself once. Your point about not judging others is an excellent one. Now as a grandmother I am reassured that my choices were the right ones for me when I see what a good Dad my son is. Every moment you "waste" on young children is a precious gift, both for your children and for the human race. We need human beings in the world who know they are loved and so are free to love others. Don't let anyone talk you out of your choice to bestow this gift on the world. Thanks, Muminbusiness.

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