Dealing with Trust and Jealousy Issues

by katiem2

Love needs trust to survive and jealousy breeds mistrust. What to do about a jealous person or lover.

Love Without Jealousy - Love is a complex emotion, or is it? Love is a basic human function which comes naturally. Negative life experiences come into play impacting our ability to love naturally. Unhealthy experiences effect the natural balance of love making it complex. A good relationship is one that is simple and easy with little conflict yet mutual admiration and respect.

Many relationships experience jealousy shrugging it off as a natural part of love and yet is it? A solid healthy love may have fleeting moments of admiration for another which can feel like jealousy. There is that fleeting moment of healthy jealousy which is actually a healthy respect for another different from our personal experience. Typically this occurs when we admire a personal quality of another we would like to possess ourselves. We aspire to be more like them!

What is Jealousy Really

Ever hear the expression, "The Green Eyed Monster"?  It's referred to as such for good reason meaning it mirrors the act of jealousy.  

The green eyed monster describes an ugly way in which someone behaves in a jealous manner. The monster part making reference to a way in which is not desirable.

What is jealousy and how can love survive the green eyed monster or more commonly a jealous lover? Why does a person give way to feelings of jealousy? Webster’s defines jealousy as the quality of being jealous, earnest concern or solicitude, painful apprehension of rivalry in cases directly affecting one’s happiness, painful suspicion of the faithfulness of a husband, wife or lover.

Is Jealousy Natural?

The word jealous is a noun meaning a feeling of envy, now I ask how it is that one feels envy for someone they claim to love. Loving partners feel admiration and respect not envy. My Grandfather always said, "Jealousy is a green eyed monster you must never allow to take up residence in your personality."  One can become addicted to jealousy just as you can any other object or trait. We are creatures of habit and yet we can reject jealousy and adopt a more healthy way of behaving.

Can Love Survive Jealousy

How can love survive with jealousy if it breeds mistrust?  Many experts claim jealousy is a survival mechanism over something at stake having great value to the one expressing jealousy.  This survival mechanism was needed during times of primative existence as we had to fight to protect our possessions.  We have however evolved.  Jealousy is a dangerous emotion which can lead to crimes of passion and for this reason it is vital to keep such emotions in check.

You must understand, in our modern times such a survival tool is not necessary. We have evolved becoming a civilized society. It was during more primitive times jealousy was needed.  Primitive people would take what they wanted regardless of others rights. We do not face such primitive circumstances. The only threat now is being rejected for allowing yourself to behave in an unacceptable jealous manner. A powerful tool to ward off jealous behavior is to remind ourselves that jealousy is a tool we no longer need as civilized people.   It is no longer needed or acceptable to act on this emotion.

Dealing With Jealousy

This begs the question is jealousy truly envy as we’ve come to think of it in more modern terms.

Do we shift this emotion toward a rational that we feel others have something or get attention they should not or more to the point that we should?

This emotions rears it’s ugly head when a person possesses some trait or thing we want or threatens to take that which is already ours. This can be due to your partner attracting attention from others creating a sense of inferiority giving birth to doubt.  I’m of the opinion this form of jealousy stems from the lack of self esteem and ones worthiness to be in a partnership with another.  The fear of abandment breeds jealousy as a tool the fearful person subconsciously uses to hold on to what they constantly fear they will lose as they don't feel worthy.  As a child they may have been emotionally abandoned creating this feeling of not being worthy. 

No one ever does anything wrong without first rationalizing in their mind that it's justified. If your dealing with such a situation, jealousy regardless of whether just or not, destroys an otherwise healthy relationship.This bears light on yet another aspect of the emotion in an unfavorable regard. It is merely another of the spoils of life born from our comparing ourselves to others.

Falling out of love is difficult for both parties. It's easy to be sure it's over once you know the signs you're falling out of love for keeps.

Jealous Behavior is Counter Productive

Jealousy makes both parties feel bad.  The shocking truth is this; jealousy has lost its utility in modern society.  If we think of it in terms as the barbaric act it is we put it in greater perspective. 

Anyone choosing to act in a controlling jealous manner may want to explore abandonment issues as well as reprograming themselves to believe and know they are in fact worthy of love. The person under the constant fire of jealous behavior is left to feel wrongly accused and in time will fall into self protection.  Innocent people can't endure the accusations of jealousy long term.  If you're someone prone to jealousy and you truly hope to enjoy a loving and lasting relationship you must get a handle on your jealous emotions as there is no place in a healthy relationship for jealousy.

Much Love and Success, Katie

Updated: 04/11/2013, katiem2
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Conversations about jealousy in relationships

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AudreyHowitt on 08/11/2012

Jealousy really is a green-eyed monster and it just destroys relationships--so very well said!

Brandon on 07/23/2012

Jealousy is something we may overcome by reprogramming our minds and reminding ourselves there is no room for jealousy in a loving relationship. This is sound advice and very well written. Good helpful advice for anyone who's considering jealousy is a natural part of a relationship, it is not!

katiem2 on 02/16/2012

Very well said, I like :)

The Frog Prince on 02/16/2012

Jealousy is a deep rooted insecurity where love is knowing the ultimate and being comfortable with it and secure in it.

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