Seeking answers we can all use when things go bad

I thought, perhaps, if we worked together we could find a way out that will remain intact for us to use each and every time we start to fall down that pit. Perhaps we can help each other find a way around the boulder before it starts to pull us into that deep dark pit.

Before I begin, let me first explain that I am not a physician, or a psychologist, or anything like that.  I have never been trained on how to find someone who has fallen into their deep dark hole and help them to climb out of it once more.  I only have my own experiences to rely on and some of the tricks that have helped me get back to what is important in my life.  There are so many possible solutions out there; one doesn’t always work every time, so I try to keep an arsenal of ideas that might help, and I was hoping you (all of you who are reading this right now) will offer up some ideas as well.

When I start to feel that boulder sneaking up behind me, I don’t try to fight the feelings of depression, falling, anger, walls closing in, etc.  because this only helps the feelings grab a tighter hold and pull me down that much faster.  Instead I try to seek the cause of them.  An example would be:  “I feel depressed because the day has been absolutely dreadful and I can’t seem to find anything good to help”-- if I just keep trying to make the day better and avoid the pitfalls, then it will simply get worse and the pitfalls will be so numerous that I can’t help but fall deeper.  Whatever it was that caused it, started that huge boulder moving along and it just kept pulling me along for the ride. 

Sometimes there just isn’t a point that I can see and say “yup that’s where it started”, sometimes it just was bad from the very beginning--ripped my pants putting them on; got a hole in my sock when I tried to put it on; my purse lost a handle (or my wallet fell apart); the car wouldn’t start; the boss hated my proposal; I’ll stop here because I don’t want to make it too bad.  So everything just went wrong from the moment I climbed out of bed. 

How can I fix that?  I can’t, not really, but I can face it differently.  I mean, yeah the clothes ripped or the boss hated my proposal, etc. that doesn’t mean the day is automatically ruined.  I try to think of it this way--guess I wasn’t supposed to wear that outfit today; or I knew I should have put more facts in there (and I ask the boss if I can revise it); now the day is still bad, but I’m not falling into the pit with that huge rolling boulder anymore, rather I am standing on a desk and letting the boulder roll by while I remain safe and unharmed by it. (Well, you try to come up with a metaphor that works  and see how easy it is.)

What do I do when that happens?  Well, I curl up in a ball and cry shamelessly until I have no tears left.  Then I get up, wipe my eyes and try to start the day all over again.  It isn't bad to break down once in awhile, in fact sometimes it is better to lose it for a bit instead of waiting until the steam builds up to explosive levels.  

You could:  race out to the park and have a good cry; toss stones at the water; slam your head  into a pillow repeatedly; stomp your feet on the grass a few times; race to the restroom and lock yourself in for a good five minute cry; grab the papers in the recycle bin and crunch them in your fist several times; toss your pencil in the trash as hard as you can;  or just plain take a deep breath and let it out a few times while letting out some of that frustration with it as you count (very slowly) to twenty.

Is that it?  Is it really that easy?  As I said before there is never a path that works the same way each time, or that works the same for everyone.  You have to try different things and seek different answers.   So what else is there?  Well, sometimes, if you meditate at the end of each day and at the beginning of each day, you can deal with the bad stuff at a calmer level and things don’t seem quite so bad.  Or, sometimes it just takes a good laugh to drag us back to reality (anyone know a good joke or two?).  Or, sometimes, we need to seek help from others, and that’s okay too.  If you can’t find your way out, no matter what you have tried, then seek the help of someone else.  It could a trusted friend, a family member, or an uninvolved third party (counselor, etc.) that you go to, but they can help to bring out the issues and help you face them so you can move on without falling back.  The best part of that is they can help you see that the boulder is actually a tiny pebble that picks up your problems and keeps piling on more (like a snowball that you turn into a snowman). 

It's hard to smile  when everything is going wrong, but trying to picture in your mind a special place that makes you happy can help.  I love autumn with the colorful leaves and beautiful scenery.  I can sometimes picture them and it makes me feel much better.  I also like to picture snowflakes, kitty cats, and my grandchildren for a little boost of smile power.