Article

The Fear of Rejection

How do you overcome the fear of Rejection? Here are a few tips...

Some people live in fear of being rejected, being snubbed by someone respected and loved. Most people live in fear of being snubbed by people they do not even know. This fear of rejection stifles our every action. We act in a way either to prevent attracting attention or to attract only positive attention. This sometimes means we act differently from the way we would like to. This also means we live below our expectations constantly as we try to fit into other people moulds for us. In some cases, we put so much pressure on ourselves that we crash, trying to live up to ‘their’ expectations. The ubiquitous ‘them’ – They are always around us controlling our actions and most of the time, we have no idea who ‘they’ are. How can we stop this fear from controlling our life? Let me list a few things that help me act regardless of what my ‘steadily decreasing’ inner negative voice says.

Dealing with the fear of Rejection 1

There is no ‘they’

I had a moment of clarity a few months ago when I realised, really deeply realised there is no ‘they’! Everyone around each one of us is more concerned about their own issues than we give them credit for. No one cares enough about you, apart from your mother (maybe), to spend time really analysing why you have done this or that. No one spends that much time thinking about you. Everyone is too busy battling their own feelings of inferiority.

I have to remind myself of this on a regular basis as I realise to everyone else out there, I am just one of the many people they come in contact with on any given day. They do not spend time thinking about me, so I may as well carry on with doing whatever I want to do.

Dealing with the fear of rejection - Tip 2

What have you lost?

Another thing that really struck me when thinking of rejection was the realisation that whatever it was that I was aiming for, whether it was a sale, or I was buying something, If the other person says “No”, I have not actually lost anything except a little hope that things would work out my way. For instance, I have ten sweets now, I would like to sell one to Mrs A so I ask Mrs A to buy one as she walks by. She says “No”. She walks away. I still have ten sweets. Nothing has changed at all! However, I could choose to read more into Mrs A’s reaction and blame myself for not persuading her in the right way, I could berate myself for not instilling trust in her, I could worry myself silly about not being able to sell these sweets because Mrs A said no. OR I could just try again with Mrs B…

What do you think the better choice would be?

Dealing with a fear of Rejection - Tip 3

He who dares…

My new chant has become “He who dares, wins”. Anytime I am about to do something that stretches me, or something I am afraid of, I chant this to myself a few times and then dash ahead to do the fearful thing.

I do find it helps me as I know unless I do some things that scare me, nothing in my life will change. There are a great number of people who decide to give a new opportunity a miss because they are afraid. I choose to be one of the few who do the scary thing. I dare!

How do you deal with your fear of rejection? Any moments of clarity for you?

Updated March 26, 2012