When Kids Talk Back

Of course they do, the best friend you can be is a parent that reprimands when reprimand is due.  The parent that sets expectation and boundaries makes a child or teen feel safe and secure giving them real self-esteem empowering them for life. They’ll love you more for keeping it real and playing it straight with them. 

How to Raise a Polite Respectful Child

1. Be clear about what you expect when your child is acting out remind them the behavior is not acceptable, carefully and calmly explain the behavior that is, reminding them of the option and giving them the opportunity to change their future reaction.
2. Don’t let it blow out of proportion at the first signal being a change in your child’s tone, perhaps a whiny pitch, or a demanding rude tone, put a stop to it by ignoring the behavior, no request should be answered that is made in an unacceptable manner, this does not allow it to form a habit, as the bad behavior doesn't work. Kids often resort to bad behavior to get what they want because many parents cave quickly as they don't want to be embarrassed.  Don't let this trick get you in the web of manipulation, all kids try it don't be embarrassed by this, simply ignore it and it will stop.
3. Don’t engage with a kid being flat out rude, ignore them refusing to participate in any struggle.  Kids learn to use verbal skills to manipulate and wear parents down, don’t fall for this and don’t let it build steam from the start!
4. Be firm and let your children know what’s not acceptable in our home, note the our, not my home.  Anytime your child speaks out of turn just say, “I heard that and lucky for you I’m giving you the opportunity to try it one more time to rephrase it, I’ll respect you if you respect me, other wise I don't take part in such behavior, I know better.”  This reaffirms you've got your act together and are a sound parental figure they can depend on.
5. Don’t take notice of every bad behavior at once, pick your top concern and work on it till it’s resolved and move on to the next. This prevents you from burning out and makes the child aware of you unwavering intent. Plus you’ll both feel less stressed facing just one issue. Taking on more than one, picking at your child constantly makes you appear to be a mean person they easily over look and pay no attention to. 
6. Good Talking Back – We (adults) are often tired, stressed and craving a bit of piece and quiet when our child may have a legitimate topic to debate.  Be careful not to shut your child down because they need to learn the art of debate by correctly getting their objection and or point across with tact.  This is a very important skill to learn so be careful to teach the art of tactful objection. Your son or daughter needs to know its safe to talk to you and that you’re not some time bomb they’ll learn to avoid.
7. Hearing Everyone’s Side –  With the hustle and bustle of busy days and over tired parents pressed for time it's common for one kid to get the short end of the stick or in fact wronged. For this reason it’s important to have a family meeting and conversations over dinner.  Allow time for each child to give their account of family matters while all others listen quietly without interruption. Continue round the table till everyone is heard and then back again with ideas to address the issues. I like to start off by playing high low; each person tells the family their high for the day and their low. This keeps the focus on unity and strength while hearing both the good and bad, after which you can proceed with ideas or request.

It’s crucial to talk as a family, no successful group, business, classroom or club operates without meetings or group discussions and you can’t expect a family to either. Remember, children are unique individuals all their own with free spirits and ideas.  Talking with them on a regular basis about things that matter to them gains you a whole lot of ground for later debates and issues both good and bad.