Why People Cheat on Their Lovers and How to Avoid a Cheater

by katiem2

Why do I always attract cheaters? Cheating is something you can avoid. Learn why people cheat, how to spot a cheater and avoid it. Cheating hurts and can be avoided.

Ever get that sneaky suspicion your lover's cheating on you? The fear of infidelity creeps into the minds of most anyone from time to time and yet for the most part it’s not a common occurrence. Anytime we consider cheating, we tend to think our partner will cheat with someone thinner, more attractive and with more money. We go as far to imagine a younger, more attractive and wealthier version of ourselves.

The Love of My Life

The most vital thing anyone concerned about  their significant other, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend being unfaithful is compatibility  It’s been said over and over by countless people that once they find the “ONE” they become a better person. Anytime a man or a woman feels they've found the right person they pull out all the stops to make it work one of which is not cheating.

Ask yourself if the person you're worried about is the one. Are you the right person for them and they you? People with the right person, someone they truly have fallen in love with, don't tend to step out on the love of their life.

Defining Cheaters

Some of us are players when we are playing the field.

A large majority of people play the field meeting, flirting, getting to know and dating a lot of people before they find the one. The one meaning that person that stops them dead in their tracks making them think and feel differently evaluating their lives and what they truly want. It’s been said over and over when you find the right person you become a better person. It is natural for any of us to want to be the best we can be when we truly find the one.

The problem with those who continue to flirt with and meet other people even though they are dating you is either you are not the one or they are a compulsive cheater. Either way someone who cheats is undoubtedly not the person you should set your sights on.

Spotting The Cheating Kind?

How to spot the cheating kind and understand why some people cheat.

Many things run through our mind as we wonder if our mate will cheat now or ever. Cheating does happen, anytime we hear about an episode of cheating from a friend or family member we think about the possibility of cheating in our relationship.  Considered thinking of it in terms of a human condition rather than simply cheating?  Is it really a bad thing one person does to another? Why does a person get involved with someone other than their partner?  As mentioned you may be with the wrong person or not the one. Think about the relationship and the degree of love existing within it. 

Who Cheats More Women or Men

More and more surveys are leaning toward a balance between men and women who admit to cheating on their spouse or partner.

There is so much more to the science of cheating than we think.  Today we’ll explore the cheating phenomenon as we get down to the truth of the matter once and for all.

First let’s consider the number one reason people cheat, this goes for both men and women.

For the record, it has been reported that just as many women have admitted to cheating as men. This is not a case of one sex verses the other it's a mutual problem in all types of relationships. 

The Endless Search for Love

A large number of couples either settle for or commit to one another for reasons other than true love.

The number one reason people cheat may surprise you. It's due to the lack of true love and admiration. That’s right, people cheat because they are either struggling with a personal compulsion or they have paired with the wrong person or not the one. 

Each of us needs to feel loved, adored and appreciated.  Although there are some exceptions to this rule and we will get to that later on in this article, on average the perfectly normal healthy adult cheats due to the lack of affection and adoration or having found the right person. 

Whether aware of it or not we all look for the opportunity to meet the one for us even though we may have given up on the fairy tale romance secretly we yearn for it.

Is This Love

Our long and winding search for true love has it's moments of believing in real love, letting go and settling for a comfortable match.

Aw how grand the beginning of a relationship. We're intensely interested in each other, quick to point out the qualities we adore and admire. We are excited about all the characteristics we share. We are impressed with the others talents, especially those we don't posses ourselves, as these compliment us, make us whole. The possibility they could be the one can blindside a person.

This admiration creates a high that in time will level out and yet the beginning phases of romance stir the chemistry of our animal beings causing for quiet an intense burst of thrilling emotions. 

Giving up on Love

You don't know what it's like to find the one and often settle for less than what we've dreamed of all our lives

Many otherwise nice and honest people become addicted to this rush and simply crave it, this stems from the individual need for attention. You don't know what it's like to find the one and often settle for less than what we've dreamed of all our lives. This can cause us to miss the one only to find them after we've committed to someone we perhaps settled for.

Relationships become a bit of work after this beginning phase fades. It’s natural to get lost in the day to day routine and forget the relationship needs. Be aware a lack of admiration can create a need to seek it out, addressing this is key to avoid cheating.

What a Lover Needs

Cheating in the work place happens more often than most people would like to think.

The best of love affairs and couples need to be handled with care and tender, loving care. In order to stay in a loving relationship you need to take note and consider the important details about your mate. People who cheat tend to crave a more intense degree of attention.  It's vital to understand what your mate feels is enough attention, note this early on as some people may be to needy for you to maintain a balance they feel necessary. This balancing act is all too often over looked as we tend to believe all relationship naturally cool off in time, but for some they crave this constant flow of attention, going without it leads to a wondering eye, a void creating a need.

This is a big reason many cheat.  If they don't get enough attention from you they will be drawn to others who admire them and compliment them or simply respond in an manner suggesting interest.

Cheating at Work

Many people who feel they are not getting what they need hook up with co-workers.

The work place is a prime environment for cheating as mutual admiration is easily confused for personal interest by the needy party thus leading to advances and cheating. 

The biggest factor being everyone is out to get ahead and or just maintain their job, doing a good job and treating fellow co-workers kind and courteous, more so than out of the office.

This can turn into a back and forth admiration which sometimes develops into a relationship or cheating. 

No one ever does anything wrong without first rationalizing why they should!

How to Avoid a Cheating Situation

Learn if and how cheating can be avoided or if the effort is worth it.


  1. The best way to avoid cheating is to be in a relationship with the right type of person, more on that in the next section.
  2. Make it clear you're looking for and expecting to be in a committed relationship.  It's mind boggling the people who never utter these words. You can't expect it to be a silent given it needs to be brought up and worked out to the comfort of both parties. 
  3. You can't blame someone for stepping out on you if you never define the terms of your relationship. 
  4. After you make your expectations and desires clear, ask if the other person agrees and is willing to make the commitment. 
  5. You must have that verbal agreement; it must be clear and spoken.
  6. Create an open dialog discussing what you and your partners needs and expectations are,
  7. People vary to many degrees with vast differences between them and their definition of a committed relationship, make yours clear and understood. 

Defining Relationship Terms

The clearly defined expectations of a relationship can eliminate many problems and heartache.

Once you come to terms with this agreement set the tone and keep the agreement. Make a plan to have an open line of communications and talk about each others comfort level from time to time.  Make certain each other is getting what they need and needs what they get. Clear and honest terms along with continued communications keeps cheating from entering your relationship.

What Your Lover Really Wants

Some people have needs they don't share with their partners and often find someone outside the relationship to fulfill the without compromising the committed relationship.

Both men and women have needs. If their needs aren't being met in all areas of a relationship both men and women keep an eye out for whatever meets their needs.The heart wants what it wants and constantly seeks it out. The number one reason this happens is due to a lack of communication. In the beginning, when everything is so wonderful, we tend to keep our mouth shut about things we don't like. It is never a good idea to do this. By doing so you get stuck with behavior and acts that drive you crazy later creating negative feelings and resentment. Don't settle for stuff you don't want by way of silence.

How to Keep the One Right for You

The best way to keep the one for you is by letting them know what you want.

How to Tell Your Lover What You Don’t Like or Want.  Let your partner know what you don't like. Be polite and matter of fact, to the point, It is easiest to do this in the beginning of a relationship.  We are most attentive to learning everything there is to know about our new love interest in the beginning and are rarely judgmental. 

This is hands down the best time to lay all your cards on the table.  If you wait the other person may be offended that you didn't say something before and embarrassed that they continued not knowing how you felt. Things you don't like are just as important as the things you do. Honesty is always the best policy in matters of love, sex and relationships.

How to Prevent Cheating Once and For All

To eliminate the threat of suffering from cheating in your relationship put more time into evaluating the person you chose to spend time with.

The answer to the issue of how to avoid cheating once and for all is a two part answer.  

One, know how to spot the types of people who are pron to cheat habitually and understand the needs of the partner you choose being honest about your ability to meet those needs naturally. Spotting a habitual cheater or someone you cannot satisfy is simple.

Two, identify people with the extreme need for constant attention and avoid entering into a relationship with those types of people unless they are the one and you are all in.  It's really that easy.  

Habitual Cheaters and Players

There are those who are flat out cheaters.

In truth some people are flat out unhealthy cheaters. While this is another story they do give off a lot of signals, they're arrogant, obnoxiously flirtatious and self absorbed. But down to earth good people can be drawn into some very common and honest mistakes landing them smack dab in the middle of a cheating situation. It in no way makes them a bad person.

Have You Been Cheated On? Ask yourself if you were realistic about your ability to give this person what they need.  If you've entered into this with unrealistic expectations or blinders as to what you both need cheating is often a symptom.  Anytime you catch someone cheating you've been handed a get out of jail free card! 

Long Term Cheating Prevention

Cheating can be prevented with a shift in thinking and the approach we take handling ourselves.

First be honest about your likes and dislikes. In a new relationship we are eager to learn what pleases our partner and form habits. Be honest so habits that you don't really like aren't formed. 

Allow yourself the freedom to try new things; you never know what you might actually love once given the chance.  Use this as a time of exploration and growth, doing so with your new partner develops a much closer bond and depth to the love.

Finding a Faithful Partner

The best way to find the one who's right for you and keep them is to be real and up front from the moment you meet.

Second don't be shy about telling your partner about what matters to you. Open your mouth and communicate what really matters to you in the long haul. The success of your relationship depends on it.  Again, in the beginning your partner is eager to hear your likes and dislikes and will store that information away acting accordingly, so make it count.

Third be you. Don't be something you’re not. In the beginning we tend to try new things that our partners express interest in. While this is great, be certain to let them know if you don't like it instead of trying too hard to fit in.

Let them know you’re fine with them and trying new things but this is an area you will differ on, be honest telling them what works for you and what does not.  Often your partner will find they too don’t like it after all anyway.  Never be afraid to speak freely.

Have You Ever...

Avoid Cheating Men or Women

Finally, make it clear what your likes, and dislikes are in the beginning, this will insure you end up with a mate you will be happily ever after with. Don't try to be something you are not just to form a relationship. There are lots of perfect matches for you, yes more than one so never ever settle on anything less than what is right for you.


Updated: 09/26/2016, katiem2
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katiem2 on 04/21/2013

Mira, Thank you so glad to have your professional review, that means a lot. :)K

Mira on 04/20/2013

I saw a pin to this article on Pinterest, and came to read it. It was very good. You made excellent points. As I was reading I was about to say: but there are men who are habitual cheaters (and there's nothing you can do to change that), and you touched on that as well. Great article! Goes on one of my Pinterest boards.

katiem2 on 03/19/2013

cazort, I agree with open honestly and full disclosure.

cazort on 03/10/2013

I value honesty really highly in a relationship, and if I feel like I would want to cheat, then I end the relationship. On the other hand, I've felt some really intense social pressure from some of my ex's to stay in the relationship, even when it was pretty clear that it wasn't healthy for either of us. I think one of the best ways to prevent cheating is to avoid trying to get your partner to stay with you when they don't want to be in the relationship any more. Although I don't put up with that sort of thing very long, I think a lot of people can be more susceptible to social pressure than they let onto, and can stay in a relationship out of a feeling of guilt or obligation. Then, if they resent their partner, because they don't want to be with them, it's easier for them to cheat.

One of the things that you said that really resonated with me is how people could cheat if they feel like they aren't getting the attention they need in a relationship. Two of my longest relationships ended for this reason--and in my case I chose to break up rather than cheat, and while I think this is the right choice, I can understand how people might choose to cheat instead.

I also really agree with what you said about communication being one of the key things for preventing cheating. I think that one of the worst things a person can do in a relationship is to withdraw or close off from their partner, in response to things the partner is doing that is upsetting them. If you talk about problems, you can resolve them, but if you withdraw, then not only are you unable to fix problems, but your partner now isn't going to get their needs met in the relationship. It seems really obvious that some people would cheat in these situations--not saying it's ever okay to cheat, but also that I wouldn't be so quick to judge the cheater or place 100% of the responsibility on them. In a relationship where one partner is emotionally distant yet guilt-tripping the other person into staying in the relationship, I think cheating is very understandable and I think it is also partly the responsibility of the other partner--who has played a role in creating a really toxic environment.

katiem2 on 01/18/2012

Thanks Angel, It great to have you here at why people cheat on their lovers. I have many informative and helpful articles on love, matters of the heart and relationships, something we all have in common. Thanks Again, Great to have you here :) Katie

Angel on 01/18/2012

Thanks for such great information on this. Not something any of us want to think about but it is good to be educated on what to look for etc. I am off to read more of your articles.. good stuff.

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