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Article

What to do When You Secretly Dislike a Friend or Co-Worker

Secretly you have a deep rooted dislike for a good friend or co-worker you and others otherwise think highly of and why? There’s an answer and its more common than you may think.

Regardless how wonderful a friend or co-worker appears on the surface knowing who they truly are creates strain and conflict when put on the spot. The number one reason any of us dislike a one time friend or successful co-worker is the stretch between the persona they portray and their genuine personality. Anytime a friend displays a dishonest quality with the intent of getting ahead we are turned off and rightfully so. When the behavior is repeated and gains accolades we are even more repulsed by their two faced back biting behavior.

Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety occurs when those with a high moral compass encounter those who do not.

Many of us with a high moral compass sometimes come to terms with friends who toss out morality to win is society. They pretend to be whatever it is they need to be to get what and where they want.  Anytime a highly moral person experiences this transition of a good friend a great deal of turmoil occurs.

If you can attest to this you no doubt are in such a situation. You may be wondering if it’s you with the, so called, problem? Are you to judgmental or jealous of your friend’s success at obvious manipulation of others?

Anytime a friend sells themselves out to get a head it’s normal for you to be let down, disappointed and feel a dislike for the once on the level friend.

  • Why does social anxiety occur, and why are some people more prone to it than others? Drawing on work on personality and social psychology, clinical and counselling psychology, c...

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When Friends Sell Out

The sudden shift in a friend’s personality is often painful feeling like betrayal

These types of situations are typically an actual betrayal of themselves as the friend has sold themselves out for ill-gotten gains.  

Note:

You know this person so well you easily note when they are being misleading, lying, pretending to be something they are not.

You know your friend inside out and feel betrayed by the dishonest fake behavior especially the fact they expect you to play along saying nothing. 

If you do speak out they turn on you making you appear to be the lesser friend who’s jealous of this amazing human being.

  • "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?" We've all had friendships that have gone bad. Whether it takes the form of a simple yet inexplicable estrangement or a devastating betrayal, a fai...

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7 Things Friends Do to Sell Themselves Out – Become a Dishonest Poser

The Selling Out Point.

  1. Taking every opportunity to make themselves look like the caring and selfless friend.
  2. Bragging about what they do for you and others when in fact it’s all an exaggeration or lie.
  3. Pretending to care about others when it’s obvious they do not.
  4. Being dishonest to gain the trust and approval of others.
  5. Sucking up to authority, bosses and anyone in a position to help them advance.
  6. Taking more credit for something than deserved.
  7. Offering to do things they have no intentions of doing with the admission I would love to if I weren't  making up a fake thing that prevents them from doing the thing.

Dealing With Secret Dislike of Friends

Anytime a friend shift their personality and ethics code of friendship you should consider ending it.

So you think you know someone and in fact you did but have now changed for the bad. When this happens the only recourse it to speak to the friend privately letting them know you don’t approve of the new person they've become.

Go on to let them know you are not going to play along and in fact will deny the friendship with indifference if they put you in an embarrassing situation ever again.

How - Act as if you're not listening or engaging when they behave badly being sure to exhibit zero emotion because you are not investing in this type of venture. 

 

  • A woman can always count on are her friends—right? But what if those friendships are hurtful, harmful, even toxic? Susan Shapiro Barash explores the ten types of female friends ...

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When Friends Become Toxic

Breaking Up With Toxic Friends is the Best Course of Action in Most Cases.

Key Act – Be sure never to show any emotion toward this one time friend in social settings or public.

Be indifferent and in fact act as if you don’t notice their behavior giving them no power over you.

The less attention you pay to them the more you empower yourself to distant yourself from the behavior.

When you stop exhibiting shock and disdain due to the behavior of your one time friend you will not be seen as a jealous person.

Disliking this person to the degree you do makes it official there is no friendship only a mere acquaintance at best.

Anytime a person becomes toxic you should refuse to participate in the behavior you no longer approve..

  • Fourteen years since its first publication, the bestsellerNasty People has been revised and updated to cover the motivations of nasty people, how to avoid confrontation with a n...

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But always and forever from here on out keep the dislike a secret never admitting it to anyone but yourself working it out accordingly.

Ever Secretly Hate a Friend?

14 votes

Updated May 21, 2013

Why do friends and fellow co-workers sometimes make you dislike them so?

katiem2Mar 9, 2017

DerdriuMarriner, Great advice on dealing with people who are hard to like

DerdriuMarrinerMar 8, 2017

katiem2, Very nice presentation about an uncomfortable problem! Sometimes talking it out makes things better, sometimes the person changes back and sometimes time makes it all go away. I agree with the other comments that career and social pressures can bring out fake, toxic behavior that turns off what the person needs most: appreciating good friends.

katiem2Jul 2, 2013

WriterArtist, Very well said, thank you for putting so much into so few and easy to follow words.

WriterArtistJun 28, 2013

I agree that we need to be firm and deny the relationship / friendship, lest it turns out to a constant nightmare. Carrying grudges and dislikes can make you unhappy so dealing with them in a non stressful way is a MUST.

katiem2Jun 27, 2013

Brenda, Sorry to hear that, we can hope but until then I imagine you can have your fun with it...

BrendaReevesJun 27, 2013

I don't think I'm going to be that lucky.

katiem2Jun 27, 2013

Brenda, I had one of those once and then my brother divorced her YEA!

BrendaReevesJun 27, 2013

I don't recall ever having this problem, but I have a SIL I can't stand. It's probably not a secret though.

katiem2Jun 2, 2013

paperfacets, exactly you bright to light a very good point, these types burn a lot of bridges.

katiem2Jun 2, 2013

Tolavaj, Oh yes indeed freelance work is wonderful as it allows us the freedom to continue moving forward renewing a positive flow of energy. Great advantage!

paperfacetsMay 31, 2013

This article reminds my of the old saying "never burn your bridges". I will be polite but at a certain point I would never ask certain people for a favor. In my mind they burned the bridge, not me.

TolovajMay 31, 2013

I've had my share of 'toxic friends' too, especially when I was working in bigger companies with more complex internal relations which I was often not aware of (or even care about). Luckily I was never locked in one place, so I always moved on before things became unbearable. This is one of biggest advantages of being free lancer.

katiem2May 9, 2013

AnomalousArtist, You summed it up very well. Thanks for the helpful comment.

AnomalousArtistMay 8, 2013

I wish I'd read this sooner, I had to find out through trial and error that the best way to show disapproval of someone's behavior is to simply not *enable* it...good stuff, thanks for posting!

katiem2Apr 17, 2013

Mira, VERY good point, I had not thought about it but yes it's true. When power and desired job placement is attained it just may create a sense of comfort indeed exposing ones true colors.

MiraApr 17, 2013

I think some people let their bad traits accentuate over time, as they gain more power at work, etc. (I agree with teddletonmr.) I've seen it happen. Whereas previous to a moment in time I could ignore certain things in a person, after a while it became impossible; it seemed to be all the person was about.

katiem2Apr 16, 2013

Yes it can Mike

teddletonmrApr 16, 2013

Power can go to a persons head at times

katiem2Apr 13, 2013

thewriteway, You make a good point, anyone can have a bad episode in life, good people do bad things but don't always become a bad person and yet if it continues and happens routinely we must ask ourselves what you just did.

thegoodvillagerApr 13, 2013

Interesting. I find that when friends do something outside the ordinary, morally, I wonder to myself; "Did I misread this person (i.e., my cool-dar is malfunctioning)? Or did this person really shift gears?"

katiem2Apr 11, 2013

Cindy. I hope you found this helpful :)K

CindyApr 11, 2013

Oh this is so very very VERY true, there are some people who are simply out for number one, themselves and still try to make others think they are gracious and giving always lending their talents and services when in all reality they are FAKE!

katiem2Apr 11, 2013

RubyHelenRose, Thanks for reviewing this and providing feedback.

RubyHelenRoseApr 11, 2013

Thrown together with a bunch of people in work and schools that we would otherwise have nothing to do with, and the competition of it all, to be the best of....great article, sad to see it still going on.

katiem2Apr 8, 2013

You might be right Celeste...

CelesteApr 8, 2013

I would be willing to bet we all deal with this.

katiem2Apr 3, 2013

Cantana, So true, you make good sense. The potential to do such no doubt is a part of who they've always been regardless of surface time you do make a very good point.

katiem2Apr 2, 2013

frankbeswick, The one thing I tell my kids is "You Can't Be a Teacher" I don't lay down the law like that in their life choices but this is one instance when I do, they agree and understand as SO many teachers make both the parents and the student jump through hoops while holding their future (grades) in their hands and control. Sad fact but many do lose sight of the true purpose of teaching and become power hungry or something bad.

katiem2Apr 2, 2013

Catana, Good Question! The point being made is when a good friend sells themselves out becoming someone other than the person you were once good friends with, as the tide changes it is a difficult time and yet ends in the loss of friendship. It's a all to common story of betrayal that happens more and more "these days"

katiem2Apr 2, 2013

Brenda, I SO understand what you mean, I taught Drama in elementary school for years and oh my was it dog eat dog...

Maybe YES you or Frank should write an article why teachers are not to be trusted, the truth about teachers and what goes on behind the scenes...

frankbeswickApr 2, 2013

Brenda, how right you are. As a retired schoolteacher, I am fully aware that there are many teachers whom I would not trust one inch. Teachers can be excellent at looking righteous, when they are really quite malicious. I do a little work in a college, a nice one, but I keep my distance.

BrendaReevesApr 2, 2013

Interesting article. I once worked with a principal who was all that you describe. I referred to her as the snake in the grass. If you want to see a bunch of back-stabbing women, work in a school. Teachers are the worst!
katiem2
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