What to do When You Secretly Dislike a Friend or Co-Worker

by katiem2

Secretly you have a deep rooted dislike for a good friend or co-worker you and others otherwise think highly of and why? There’s an answer and its more common than you may think.

Regardless how wonderful a friend or co-worker appears on the surface knowing who they truly are creates strain and conflict when put on the spot. The number one reason any of us dislike a one time friend or successful co-worker is the stretch between the persona they portray and their genuine personality. Anytime a friend displays a dishonest quality with the intent of getting ahead we are turned off and rightfully so. When the behavior is repeated and gains accolades we are even more repulsed by their two faced back biting behavior.

Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety occurs when those with a high moral compass encounter those who do not.

Many of us with a high moral compass sometimes come to terms with friends who toss out morality to win is society. They pretend to be whatever it is they need to be to get what and where they want.  Anytime a highly moral person experiences this transition of a good friend a great deal of turmoil occurs.

If you can attest to this you no doubt are in such a situation. You may be wondering if it’s you with the, so called, problem? Are you to judgmental or jealous of your friend’s success at obvious manipulation of others?

Anytime a friend sells themselves out to get a head it’s normal for you to be let down, disappointed and feel a dislike for the once on the level friend.

When Friends Sell Out

The sudden shift in a friend’s personality is often painful feeling like betrayal

These types of situations are typically an actual betrayal of themselves as the friend has sold themselves out for ill-gotten gains.  


You know this person so well you easily note when they are being misleading, lying, pretending to be something they are not.

You know your friend inside out and feel betrayed by the dishonest fake behavior especially the fact they expect you to play along saying nothing. 

If you do speak out they turn on you making you appear to be the lesser friend who’s jealous of this amazing human being.

7 Things Friends Do to Sell Themselves Out – Become a Dishonest Poser

The Selling Out Point.

  1. Taking every opportunity to make themselves look like the caring and selfless friend.
  2. Bragging about what they do for you and others when in fact it’s all an exaggeration or lie.
  3. Pretending to care about others when it’s obvious they do not.
  4. Being dishonest to gain the trust and approval of others.
  5. Sucking up to authority, bosses and anyone in a position to help them advance.
  6. Taking more credit for something than deserved.
  7. Offering to do things they have no intentions of doing with the admission I would love to if I weren't  making up a fake thing that prevents them from doing the thing.

Dealing With Secret Dislike of Friends

Anytime a friend shift their personality and ethics code of friendship you should consider ending it.

So you think you know someone and in fact you did but have now changed for the bad. When this happens the only recourse it to speak to the friend privately letting them know you don’t approve of the new person they've become.

Go on to let them know you are not going to play along and in fact will deny the friendship with indifference if they put you in an embarrassing situation ever again.

How - Act as if you're not listening or engaging when they behave badly being sure to exhibit zero emotion because you are not investing in this type of venture. 


When Friends Become Toxic

Breaking Up With Toxic Friends is the Best Course of Action in Most Cases.

Key Act – Be sure never to show any emotion toward this one time friend in social settings or public.

Be indifferent and in fact act as if you don’t notice their behavior giving them no power over you.

The less attention you pay to them the more you empower yourself to distant yourself from the behavior.

When you stop exhibiting shock and disdain due to the behavior of your one time friend you will not be seen as a jealous person.

Disliking this person to the degree you do makes it official there is no friendship only a mere acquaintance at best.

Anytime a person becomes toxic you should refuse to participate in the behavior you no longer approve..

But always and forever from here on out keep the dislike a secret never admitting it to anyone but yourself working it out accordingly.

Ever Secretly Hate a Friend?

Updated: 05/21/2013, katiem2
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Why do friends and fellow co-workers sometimes make you dislike them so?

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katiem2 on 03/09/2017

DerdriuMarriner, Great advice on dealing with people who are hard to like

DerdriuMarriner on 03/08/2017

katiem2, Very nice presentation about an uncomfortable problem! Sometimes talking it out makes things better, sometimes the person changes back and sometimes time makes it all go away. I agree with the other comments that career and social pressures can bring out fake, toxic behavior that turns off what the person needs most: appreciating good friends.

katiem2 on 07/02/2013

WriterArtist, Very well said, thank you for putting so much into so few and easy to follow words.

WriterArtist on 06/28/2013

I agree that we need to be firm and deny the relationship / friendship, lest it turns out to a constant nightmare. Carrying grudges and dislikes can make you unhappy so dealing with them in a non stressful way is a MUST.

katiem2 on 06/27/2013

Brenda, Sorry to hear that, we can hope but until then I imagine you can have your fun with it...

BrendaReeves on 06/27/2013

I don't think I'm going to be that lucky.

katiem2 on 06/27/2013

Brenda, I had one of those once and then my brother divorced her YEA!

BrendaReeves on 06/27/2013

I don't recall ever having this problem, but I have a SIL I can't stand. It's probably not a secret though.

katiem2 on 06/02/2013

paperfacets, exactly you bright to light a very good point, these types burn a lot of bridges.

katiem2 on 06/02/2013

Tolavaj, Oh yes indeed freelance work is wonderful as it allows us the freedom to continue moving forward renewing a positive flow of energy. Great advantage!

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