It's like being expected to speak a whole new language instantly. The person on the other end of the telephone is saying things like, "You need to run CMD and flush the DNS. If that fails, then clear the Java cache in the control panel."
They're saying it slowly and loudly, as if that will suddenly confer upon you a degree in Computer Science. You wished it would. That would save you from feeling so patronized by a kid, whom you recall being in nappies.
It's humiliating to have to ask their help, when it's obvious that they think you quite stupid. You're being told to open the start menu, but nothing on your screen says 'start'. Look at the 'desktop', it's in the bottom left-hand corner. In your lexicon, the desktop is the piece of furniture made of wood or formica, on which your keyboard rests.
You feel like cringing, as you have to ask, "What's the desktop again?" That sigh and strained tone, on the other side of the telephone, tells you that you're straining their patience to the limit. You try to explain that, when you were their age, there weren't even televisions in most people's houses. Sir Tim Berners-Lee hadn't even been born, let alone invented the world wide web. People had conversations face to face and worried about putting food on the table, while bombs were falling from the sky.
Even when you've located the start button, there's nothing inside that says 'Run'. You're on Windows 7.
It would be so much easier if they'd just pop round and click these buttons themselves. It would get them out of the house for a start and it would be nice to see them. You could perhaps teach them proper social interaction by example. A real conversation over a cup of tea and a slice of cake. In the old days, there was no cake unless everyone put their ration books together. Even then, powdered eggs made it taste funny. The cake really was a lie.
Unfortunately, they're so far away, studying at that fancy university or gone to the city to find work. So you'll have to survive this telephone call, feeling ridiculous and trying desperately to make them understand that it's not your fault. You weren't born knowing advanced technology. You were born knowing the real world instead.
But there is a compromise here. They could virtually come over and that's the best of both worlds.