Dating a Man Who is Going Through a Divorce

by Angel

Is not a good idea. Listen to someone who has been through it. Stay away until the divorce is final.

Do you want to date him and his soon to be ex wife? This is what you will be doing if you get involved with a man going through a divorce. I dated a man for three long years while he went through his divorce. It was the longest three years of my life. It was also the most painful time in my life. Anyone going through a divorce has mixed emotions about their soon to be ex as they proceed. One minute they may even think of getting back together. The next minute they don't want anything to do with their soon to be ex. Do you want to be a part of that roller coaster ride?

You Have Met a Man Going Through a Divorce

You meet this guy and he is great. You go out to dinner and start talking. You find out that his divorce is not final yet. What do you do? You have to be strong and let him know immediately that you do not want to get involved with a man that is not divorced yet. If you wait and get involved with him, you will never walk away. You will be too attached to him. It is better to break it off in the beginning before your feelings become a part of the already crazy emotions and feelings he has. He may say that things are over and it is okay. I would still stick to my word and tell him no until he is divorced. You are not ready for that roller coaster ride. You do not want to have a relationship with him and his ex wife. Especially if he has children. There is way too much there for you to be taken seriously as a part of his life right now. He may not be strong enough to admit that. You are!

Photo Credit:  Pixabay, Public Domain

Are You Getting in the Way?

Where is he at? Why can't you get in touch with him? Why does he disappear at times and not return phone calls? It might be because he is still trying to work things out with his soon to be ex-wife. He will have to spend time with her to go over final things pertaining to the divorce. During those times it will be emotional for both of them. If you are involved it will be more emotional for them. She will most likely be upset that he has moved on and throw that up in his face. She may even try to hold it against him in court. Worst of all, she might use it to keep his children away from him. You do not want to be the cause of all of that drama. Do yourself and him a favor and walk away until the divorce is finalized.   

Is He Over Her?

Some men will not realize that they don't want the divorce until they are faced with it head on. This tends to make them rethink things and want to make things work. This is what happened in my situation. I had been involved with this man for a few months when I find out that he had agreed with his soon to be ex wife that he would try to work it out with her. That only lasted 2 weeks but it broke my heart. I could not believe it was happening. He had been married for 22 years. He said that he felt like he owed it to her to try to make it work. After two weeks he called it off at the marriage counselors office and came looking for me. I had mentally shut him out by then. I did not think he would come back to me. I had to then figure out if I wanted to be with him and ride that roller coaster called divorce. I did it and had to deal with her fighting for him for the next 3 years. She did everything she could to make him feel sorry for her so that he would come back to her. She would call crying night after night. I had to listen to him talking her through her emotional fits. Or I had to let him go home so he could do it in private. Neither was a good situation. I should have called it off and told him to get divorced first. I could have saved myself a lot of heart ache. If it was meant to be then we would have been together when his divorce was final. Don't go through what I did.

Photo Credit:  Pixabay, Public Domain

Stay Strong and Stick to It

He may try to convince you to continue to see him while he is going through his divorce. Think about the fact that there are 3 of you in the relationship. Do you really want that? Tell him no and stick to it. Do not continue to see him for an innocent dinner or movie. You are not helping yourself by getting emotionally attached to him. He is still married and needs to complete that phase of his life before he can move on to the next. Please take it from someone who has been there. It is not somewhere you want to be. Stay strong and stick to it!

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Updated: 03/16/2012, Angel
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Angel on 04/01/2012

Pinkchic18 - sorry for the delay in responding. We were moving! Yes.. that is why I wrote the article. I hope to help some other chic think a little before she lets her heart take over and end up going through what I did. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Pinkchic18 on 03/29/2012

It's true, sometimes we just have to learn on our own. I hope your article helps others to prevent the same heart break in the future. Thanks for sharing with us Angel.

Angel on 03/24/2012

You are so right Brenda - I had to learn the hard way. I will never ever do that again. I hope I am never in that situation again but you never know! Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

BrendaReeves on 03/24/2012

Good advice Angel. I can add to that. Don't date a man who is newly divorced. When men get divorced, they need to go out and sow their oats, especially if they're past 30. They think the world is a candy store, and they have got to bed all the women in the store. I once dated a man who had been divorced for only a year. I told him right off that he needed more time to heal from his divorce. He didn't think so, but it turned out he did.

Angel on 03/20/2012

@optimist - I felt like I had to write this. I have had all of this stuff on my mind for years now and it is a way of healing for me to write about it. We all meet and experience losers! I have 2 girls that I wish I could protect from losers but they will have to learn like I did from my mistakes I suppose. I did end up marrying the guy that was going through the divorce and we are very happy right now. I went through a lot of pain to get to this point. Pain that I won't go through again. I hope to help others from going through the same thing I did. Thanks for reading and commenting!

optimist on 03/20/2012

Angel, thanks for posting this. Now that I'm *phew* past dating losers (I hope!) I hope that my future daughters (fingers crossed - at some point...) will have better sense than I did and come across articles like this one :)

Angel on 03/19/2012

Katie - this is why I decided to tell my story. I hope to help others to make better decisions than I did. Thanks as always for the kind words.

katiem2 on 03/19/2012

We learn so much from our mistakes, I only hope others can learn from your mistakes as well avoiding the experience you still reflect on with hind sight cautioning others against.

Angel on 03/16/2012

Digby - I wasn't that smart. I wish I would have been strong enough to say NO and get divorced first. But I didn't. Don't get me wrong.. I am happy where we are at now but it took a lot of years off my life just getting through his divorce. Ugggh... it was nasty. You are so right...makes life much simpler. Thanks for stopping in and commenting.

Digby_Adams on 03/16/2012

Not dating a married man - whatever his marital status - is a good strategy for a smart woman. The first rule of my dating life was never go near an abusive man. The second rule was no married men. It makes life so much simpler.

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