Three Forms of Wiccan Handfastings

Trios crop up everywhere in Wicca.  The Triple Goddess is only the start of it. 

It's the influence of old Celtic lore which does it, in my humble opinion, but I don't mind that.  I'm as steeped in Celtic culture as I am Wicca!

Yet even so, finding three choices in a wedding may strike some as rather strange. 

The fact that marriages - handfastings in Wicca - come with three options is less to do with the Goddess than it is pragmatism.  Life doesn't always work out the way that we'd like it to.  That perfect partner may seem less wonderful, when you're sharing a home with them. 

Wiccan wedding prospects take into account that the first flush of love may fade.  It's a sad notion, and utterly pessimistic at that, but not so sad as being trapped in a loveless union for life.

In theory, the excited couple should work their way through all three of the handfasting choices.  They start with the first, then renew their vows with the second, before hurtling head-long into the third.

At the very least, it means three different celebration parties and a whole stack of wedding photographs.  So what are these forms that a handfasting may take?   Let's explore them one by one.

This is by far the most common handfasting choice. 

It's not even that Wiccans are particularly flighty, it's just that some of them have this ceremony, then later roll up at the registry office. 

They've had one spiritual big day, with all the fuss around it; then they've become legally married in the eyes of the National Registrar. They just really can't be bothered with pursuing it further.

Then, of course, there are those who quickly learn that a year is quite enough living with that person, thank you very much.

I've heard of the year and a day handfasting very irreverently referred to as 'the trial run'.  The couple are one in the eyes of the God and Goddess, but only for the prescribed time.  Once that year and a day is over, then so is the handfasting.  They are free to run away as fast as they like, or simply remain together without being handfast.

Or, of course, move onto the next stage, either renewing their vows for life, or opting for another year and a day.

Incidentally, there is a mini union incorporated into this one.  The physical handfasting comes when one each of the couple's hands is bound to that of their spouse.  It remains that way while they leap over a prone broomstick and their marriage has begun.

I've heard tell that in the old days, the newly weds would remain with one hand each tied together for a day and an hour.  It forced them to learn how to work in tandem, right at the outset of their union.

However, I've never known a couple who've done it at any handfasting I've officiated at.  They've gone for an hour and a minute instead!  (Or even a minute and a second.)  Cowards.

I've also officiated at plenty of these in my time.   They are the second most common form of a Wiccan handfasting.

Ideally, this follows on from the year and a day handfasting.  The couple have lived together, shared their lives and now have a very firm understanding of what that means.

For those ready to make the commitment, this form is exactly what the title implies.  They vow to stay together for the rest of their mortal life.  What they do in the Afterlife is their business.

However, not all Wiccans bother with the year and a day first.  Again that's usually a purely practical decision.  If they're going to bring all of their family and friends into one spot, hire photographers, throw a party and have a honeymoon, then why repeat it?

It puts guests to the expense and hassle of attending (and for some, there's the awkwardness of some beloved people not quite accepting the whole Pagan thing).  Plus there's the personal expense, if they're making both ceremonies the centerpiece of a big day.

In my experience, the year and a day is generally quite low key.  Just a few close friends and an informal setting.  The life handfasting is where people go all out, acquiring access to stone circles or choosing some other great natural environment, and inviting all and sundry.

This really is the big day and the majority are content to leave it at that.

Could you love someone so much that you're prepared to spent all eternity with them?  I'm not just talking about this life, but every incarnation hereon.

No matter where you're born, you will find each other.  Your true soul mate spanning endless time.  No matter how you are born, you will reach out and your lover will come running.

Handfasted forever is serious business.  It wipes out at a flash and a whim all your future pathways and grafts them alongside another.

It might sound like a romantic ideal, or some scene from Cloud Atlas, but it exists as an option in Wicca.  I could well stand in a circle before you, and officiate while your union is made this complete.

But I won't.  I've never been asked to, but I'd turn them down anyway.  I see no good reason why anyone would want to do this to themselves.  I understand love.  I understand commitment.  I understand passion and lust.  I get that some people really do meet and marry their best friend, who complements them in every way.

That is this life.  It's not the next.  None of us know what's going to happen then.  A true love binding now might appear dangerously artificial then, or just simply dangerous.  Social convention might fling you far apart and the yearning for each other would cause untold misery.

Or it might be fluttering blue-birds and love-hearts.  Who knows?!  And that is the point really.  Beyond everything else, life lessons and other unions could be missed completely to fulfill this kind of tomfoolery. 

But that's just me, and perhaps I haven't got a romantic bone in my body.  What do you say?