You Don't Want to Admit It

You see, I have known what it was to actually want something. That caused me to move six times across the Atlantic in seven years; caused me to work sixteen- and twenty-hour days, and generally make a nuisance of myself to people who had what I wanted. And it occurred to me, that language might be part of the problem so many people around me had.

Those people would say they wanted something. What they truly meant was something entirely different. This insight started during the time that I lived in Europe. I had dozens of friends write me and say, "I really want to see Europe." I would always write back and tell them that if they would pay for the plane ticket, I would put them up, act as translator and tour guide, cook for them, and so basically the only expense they would have is getting to me.

Of all the at least one hundred people that said that to me over the seven years I lived in Europe, only two people actually made the trip. The rest allowed something else (in some cases, just about anything else) to interfere. I could only conclude they did not really want to go, but they had no other way to express a kind of vague desire.

When we confuse our language, and use words inappropriately, we begin to interfere with our own success. In the case of the word want, this can have horribly a damaging effect.

If my friend had truly wanted to learn to play piano, nothing would have stopped him from his daily practice, or from nagging me for lessons and help. I would not have to remind him to practice or that he needed to schedule lesson time with me; I would have had to teach him to shut him up.

And when we look at this on a broader scale, this use of the word want to mean something other that what it does, means that we go through life unfulfilled. It means that we have this wishlist of unsought dreams, never tried. And that way lies vast unhappiness. We think we want something, and we don't get it, and that makes us discontent. What most people mean by want is a wistful "wouldn't it be nice if . . ." feeling, rather than a true desire to do something.

The other meaning of the word want makes this abundantly clear. To want something also means to lack or to need something, as in "He died for want of food." That doesn't mean he died because he would like to have food, but he died because he lacked food. Want, in its other sense, is the need to fill that lack.

By simply choosing to use words carefully, we can lead happier lives. Use the word want only if you are willing to go to considerable lengths to get the thing you think you want. Otherwise, find a different word or expression: "I wish it were easy to . . . " is a good place to start.

Being clear about what you actually want will go a long way towards improving your chance of success, and getting rid of that nagging sense of unfulfillment and wasted opportunities. And who knows? "I wish it were easy to . . ." might be the start of a great adventure in problem-solving!