5 Things to Buy Before the Fiscal Cliff

by nicomp

Our United States of America just might zoom off a 'fiscal cliff.' Regardless of how much Congress and the President pontificate, your future could crash and burn as we plummet.

Herein we present a compendium of stuff you need to buy before we hit the cliff. As our economy spirals downward toward Greece, but with more Starbucks, stock up on vital products to make the journey to the bottom a little more tolerable. Shop with your credit card because it will have no value beyond recycled plastic anyway.

Paper Shredder

Plan to pulverize any paper trail. Your debits and credits and invoices and collection letters can serve as fire-starters when the fiscal winter descends. Order a shredder for every room of the house so you don't have to frantically grab armfuls of documents when the New World Order comes knocking. Don't let the world know anything about you, except Facebook, which is certainly trustworthy.

Wireless Router

As we tumble down the fiscal cliff over the jagged rocks of poverty and crash into the dry economic dust of failed liberal policies, you will need a wireless router to communicate with the neighbors. No one will be able to afford to leave the house. Your only communication will be hurried phrases painted on bedsheets hung from second-story windows along with Twitter updates. Consider a premium wireless router and backup premium wireless router just in case things get really bad before they get worse.

Medialink - Wireless N Broadband Router - 150 Mbps - 2.4GHz - 802.11n w/ Internal Antenna

Medialink - Wireless N Broadband Router - 150 Mbps - 2.4 Ghz - 802.11nThis router is the perfect solution for adding a wireless network to your home or business. It fully compli...

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Kindle Paperwhite

It's kind of a big deal

They're everywhere. Even Amazon thinks you should have one. Stuff it in a stocking or present it as a wedding gift: no one will regret receiving one or three Kindles. As our fiscal sanity careens into depression you can use it to shore up a bunker or browse holiday recipes for feral cats. Yuk, yes, but high-tech in a van-down-by-the-river sort-of way.

HD Television

Nothing makes you happier than a flat screen Hi-Def 1080p cable-ready television with remote control. Be sure to get one with many Hz and some HDMI inputs. Kick back in your easy chair with a bowl of Pringles to enjoy colorful programs selected especially for you and by you. You'll drift away from financial ruin and high taxes, as least as long as Nickelodeon stays on the air.

Security Surveillance DVR System

It could be Girl Scouts at the door. You might also be opening your home to roving gangs of unemployed financial analysts bent on convincing you of the benefits of a planned economy. Deploy a strategically deployed surveillance system to prevent your front porch from becoming a home for wayward bond traders with no place to go from 9:30 to 4:15.

Cutting Board

Relieve your stress by chopping vegetables on your new cutting board. Take out your frustrations with self-serving politicians and greedy bankers by shredding a little lettuce. No pun intended: we do mean lettuce. You won't have the financial leeway to cruise into the McDonald's drive-through. Your backyard victory garden will be the only option. No one wants to literally choke on a carrot as they figuratively choke on a massive tax increase.

Core Bamboo Classic Cutting Board Combo Pack, Natural, Small/Medium/Large

--> Why choose Core Bamboo? Core Bamboo is the proud manufacturer of the world's finest bamboo products. All of our products are made by our experienced team of hard working art...

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Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net / papaija2008

Updated: 12/24/2012, nicomp
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Ragtimelil on 12/30/2012

Good one. I could use some fuzzy slippers right now!

teddletonmr on 12/25/2012

I couldn’t help but think all that is missing from this list of 5 things to buy. How about a nice pair of fuzzy slippers, after all I believe nobody wants to get cold feet while watching their new HDTV munching on Pringles In horror, as Barack Harry and Nancy’s corrupt congress takes the U.S over the fiscal cliff in search of the Promised Land. :) "Happy New Year"

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