Herein we present a compendium of stuff you need to buy before we hit the cliff. As our economy spirals downward toward Greece, but with more Starbucks, stock up on vital products to make the journey to the bottom a little more tolerable. Shop with your credit card because it will have no value beyond recycled plastic anyway.
5 Things to Buy Before the Fiscal Cliff
Our United States of America just might zoom off a 'fiscal cliff.' Regardless of how much Congress and the President pontificate, your future could crash and burn as we plummet.
Plan to pulverize any paper trail. Your debits and credits and invoices and collection letters can serve as fire-starters when the fiscal winter descends. Order a shredder for every room of the house so you don't have to frantically grab armfuls of documents when the New World Order comes knocking. Don't let the world know anything about you, except Facebook, which is certainly trustworthy.
As we tumble down the fiscal cliff over the jagged rocks of poverty and crash into the dry economic dust of failed liberal policies, you will need a wireless router to communicate with the neighbors. No one will be able to afford to leave the house. Your only communication will be hurried phrases painted on bedsheets hung from second-story windows along with Twitter updates. Consider a premium wireless router and backup premium wireless router just in case things get really bad before they get worse.
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It's kind of a big deal
They're everywhere. Even Amazon thinks you should have one. Stuff it in a stocking or present it as a wedding gift: no one will regret receiving one or three Kindles. As our fiscal sanity careens into depression you can use it to shore up a bunker or browse holiday recipes for feral cats. Yuk, yes, but high-tech in a van-down-by-the-river sort-of way.
Nothing makes you happier than a flat screen Hi-Def 1080p cable-ready television with remote control. Be sure to get one with many Hz and some HDMI inputs. Kick back in your easy chair with a bowl of Pringles to enjoy colorful programs selected especially for you and by you. You'll drift away from financial ruin and high taxes, as least as long as Nickelodeon stays on the air.
Security Surveillance DVR System
It could be Girl Scouts at the door. You might also be opening your home to roving gangs of unemployed financial analysts bent on convincing you of the benefits of a planned economy. Deploy a strategically deployed surveillance system to prevent your front porch from becoming a home for wayward bond traders with no place to go from 9:30 to 4:15.
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Relieve your stress by chopping vegetables on your new cutting board. Take out your frustrations with self-serving politicians and greedy bankers by shredding a little lettuce. No pun intended: we do mean lettuce. You won't have the financial leeway to cruise into the McDonald's drive-through. Your backyard victory garden will be the only option. No one wants to literally choke on a carrot as they figuratively choke on a massive tax increase.
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