Top 5 Items to buy for The New World Order

by nicomp

It's coming, whether you like it or not. We present the definitive list of products absolutely essential for proper preparation.

The New World Order isn't a value meal at McDonald's. If you're not ready, you just might be consumed by it. A short list of items will help. Browse our compendium of helpful retail products selected especially for you. The list just might surprise you and it might horrify you, but it will definitely make you feel something.

iPad

You'll be spying on your neighbors even more than usual. The New World Order will expect you to report on comings and goings up and down your street. A handy iPad facilitates note-taking as well as clandestine photography. Upload covertly acquired information to the cloud: you just might end up with an extra ration of bread at the end of the month.

Apple iPad Air MD785LL/B 9.7-Inch 16GB Wi-Fi Tablet (Black with Space Gray)

Apple iPad XX6LL/A Tablet (64GB, Wifi + AT&T 3G, Black) NEWEST MODEL

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Space Heater

Don't expect blue-helmeted UN troops billeting in your municipal park to keep you warm. After they denude the parcours trail and commandeer the food co-op, you'll have little else to do beside huddle around a humble space heater in your once joyful living room. When the government provides everything, you're left with nothing. Buy something now, while you still can.

Lasko 754200 Ceramic Heater with Adjustable Thermostat

Lasko's #754200 heater offers powerful heat in a small package suitable for under a desk or even table-top.

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Gold

Money no longer has value when national boundaries are wiped away. Fiat currency will be replaced by precious metals and lead. Stock up on gold in all its forms so you can bribe FEMA officials, barter for bread, and adorn your spider hole.

Gold continues to climb in value until someone figures out that there's too much of it already and there's not much use for what we've dug up. You can't eat it but you can usually find someone who wants more of it.

1kg 35oz Fake Gold Bar Bullion Door Stop/Paperweight CAS

What does Donald Trump do when the office gets too stuffy? Surely the only logical solution is to hold the door open with a gold bar? The Gold Bullion Door Stop is a weighty doo...

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Guitars

Entertainment will be cut off because it's the opiate of the masses. The only shows on TV will be MSNBC commentary and reruns of The View. Plan to entertain yourself with musical instruments requiring no electricity. Write a few folk songs before The New World order takes away your pencils.

38" Black Acoustic Guitar Starter Package (Guitar, Gig Bag, Strap, Pick)

Best Choice Products presents this brand new 38" Acoustic Guitar. Here is the ultimate starter kit for the musician in you. This right-handed guitar with accessories is ideal fo...

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Running Shoes

Sprinting past the guard dogs will be your only form of exercise. Health clubs and local gyms will be shut down in favor of reeducation camps for recalcitrant citizens. Stock up on many pairs of sturdy running shoes before darkness descends: New Balance and Adidas just might be co-opted to manufacture jackboots.

ASICS Men's GEL Venture 5 Running Shoe

The GEL-Venture 5 provides great fit and everyday comfort, with Rearfoot GEL Cushioning and a rugged outsole ideal for a variety of terrains.

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Image courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net / digitalart

Updated: 12/28/2012, nicomp
 
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nicomp on 12/31/2012

Who could forget?

Ragtimelil on 12/30/2012

Don't forget ukuleles!

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