How to Survive a Stalker

My first stalker experience began with the new guy at work. At first I just assumed if I ignored him then he would get the point and leave me alone. Instead of leaving me alone, he would find me constantly, hit on me which included full X-rated descriptions of all the "fun" we could have, and over time developed a bad habit of getting far to close for comfort. As time passed, I dreaded coming to work if he was there. He had an unnerving way of sneaking up behind me while I would do dishes in the sink and let his hands "wander." I would turn around, shove him off, and tell him to go away but I was still scared to tell anyone. What if they did not believe me and I lost my job instead? Not to mention the whole situation was downright embarrassing.

A while passed before one of my managers, only a few years older than me who was also my friend, became aware of the situation. He got upset and immediately reported it. When it was uncovered, I had to write a report detailing every little thing which happened (which was embarrassing and awful) but in the end it all worked out. He was fired and I thought things were okay. WRONG. Instead of it ending there, he decided he could come back to 'see' me. My coworkers would get mad and send him away. One time he refused to leave until he showed me a picture. I was so tired of the visits, I just went and looked then returned to work. This would be the last time I would see him (yay!). A day or two later he got in serious trouble for putting a hand up a girl's skirt at school. He was expelled and then I found out was facing trouble with the police.

As I look back I realize I should have told someone or everyone.Not one person was angry at me for telling; in fact, they were upset I did not tell anyone sooner. As soon as it happened, my boss made sure we were not on the same schedule times until they could fire him (which happened very soon). Had I just told someone the first time things crossed the line he would have been out of there, away from me, and much less likely to have come back to 'see' a girl who refused to take his nonsense.

So if you are experiencing sexual harassment anywhere then tell someone or everyone and put a stop to empowering the d-bags. The more confident they become the more likely their actions will grow bolder. To this day I am still thankful to the woman who got this guy expelled for what he did. She was strong enough to put a stop to him and I owe her a big thank you. So thank you unknown person! Your actions meant the end of his hold on my life and hopefully, he is getting a lot of much-needed help.

With the first stalking experience I had only my word to go on. The second had actual evidence along with a connection to his own facebook. If he had kept up what he was doing, I could have gone to the police with concrete proof. Perhaps I should have gone but again...I am far to stubborn in not wanting to share my personal life even if it's for my own good. Also, I made the stupid mistake of deleting his emails after I changed my facebook settings but I didn't tell him that. I should have kept them but I wanted every part of the experience gone which could have backfired very badly on me.

If you are being stalked then save every bit of their actions. Letters, emails, anything which is actual proof of their actions. If worse comes to worse and you need a restraining order then you can clearly show why. Destroying their actions may make you feel better (it did me) but I was lucky. If this ever happens again, I will not rely on luck and neither should you. Save all the evidence and be ready to use it.

If you are being stalked then cut off their means of communication. Change your email, your passwords, set your facebook to private, get a new cell phone number, do whatever you can to make yourself unavailable. My dorms were passkey protected on both the outer door and the inner door to my floor. You had to live in the building to get in and the dorms were separated by sexes so I knew he did not have access. Still, I also made sure to always keep my room locked and am grateful that (even when it was only my computer getting fixed) my fellow floor mates kept an eye out for suspicious people. They even reported on the computer guy because he was not escorted by anyone onto the floor!

Also, my school's buildings (for the most part) are also passkey protected and at night have routine security guard checks making it more difficult for someone who looks out of place to be wandering around. This was an immense help as I knew it made trying to reach more all the more difficult.

When I worked in retail I would often be their closing for several hours after mall time. To protect ourselves, we would walk out together towards are cars just to make sure we were not alone. If I had a lab project, I would ask someone to come with. On nights where I had to cross campus alone I would call our paid security to escort me. My sophmore year I lived five or six blocks from school so I would call campus security to drive me back if it was dark or to late to be walking alone. Being very petite has taught me I can easily be overpowered and the best way to avoid it is to have someone there with me.

If you are being stalked then try to make sure you are not left in a vulnerable place by being alone. One of my coworkers in retail had to work at another mall which is no stranger to muggings or problems at night. He had security escort him to his car just to be safe. If there is no security then make sure to have a friend with you. Just the presence of another person is a deterrent to someone approaching you. If you are alone then be aware of your surroundings and not distracted by texting or listening to your ipod. When going out to my car I would also hold my keys ready in my hand in case someone decided to get to close. You can use them to scratch the person and you definitely do not want to be fumbling around for your keys when you reach your car in a dim lit area.

#1 Do not be an idiot like myself. Go to the police. Go to your boss. Write to congress (just kidding on that one) but seriously, do not think leaving the situation alone is a good idea. I'm still so happy stalker #1's (take that you sicko!!) actions were reported because of this brave girl's words his past behaviors were brought to light.

He must have come to the conclusion any more strikes and who knows what would happen which is probably his reason for stopping his pursuit over me. Why he was pursuing me I will never understand...nor do I want to ask him.

A stalker does not just invade your physical life but plays havoc on your emotions and insecurities. They play mental games with you, making you wonder if you are truly alone or not. Having someone say they saw you and describe your outfit in detail is downright terrifying because you have no idea what else they are observing about you. Are they outside your window? In the line for food behind you? It's questions like these which start to make you paranoid. You lose something incredibly important. Your privacy and after it has been violated it becomes a difficult task to feel secure again.

You may have noticed there is no story about stalker #3. The reason being he was not the typical stalker and I could not shut his presence out of my life for years. There are times when I still face a mental battle over the damage he left behind and I am not able to talk about the experience yet.

Still, one of the greatest things a stalker victim can do is to stay mentally strong. Some days might feel impossible but we have to remember this is incredibly important to our own sanity. If we fall apart then the stalker wins. So just being able to get up each day and say "you twat! I will not let you control this day!" is an accomplishment. Be strong and enjoy life! Do not let the fear win and especially not the animal-excrement calling themselves a human stalking you. You are far better than that!