Plush Super Mario Bosses: Bowser and the Baddies

Bowser, King Koopa, has just one ambition in life - world domination.  At least, he would if said world was Mushroom Kingdom.

But first he has to marry Princess Peach and defeat two plumbers.  Much easier said than done, particularly when it's my fingers on the DS buttons. 

In the meantime, he'll just let his hordes swarm over the land, while he runs off with the abducted Princess Peach.

He's just your slightly bigger than average Koopa - a spiky-shelled turtle, on two feet, wearing studded armbands. Terrifying.

I've always wondered about Bowser Jr.   He's the image of his father, but where is his mother? 

He's only a baby sociopathic Koopa.  There's the fang patterned bib to prove it.  All of which would suggest that there's a Mummy Bowser somewhere in the background. 

If she's there, then how is Bowser free to marry Princess Peach?  Bit of a scoundrel, if you ask me.  Playing these women off, one after the other.  And as for his parenting skills...

I mean, would YOU take a baby into the pipework, where fireball wielding plumbers are out to hurt you? 

This is what Bowser would have looked like, if he hadn't been born into royalty and grown so big and spiky.

The Koopa Troopas, in all their Koopa ordinariness, are the henchmen of the piece, patrolling the taken lands in case of plumber intruders.

True story - Shigeru Miyamoto was inspired to create Koopas after hearing childhood tales of Kappas.  These water sprites live in Japanese rivers and lakes, ready to attack the unwary on their banks.

Which is all a bit bizarre, when you consider that the Koopas are nowhere near the water.  They're usually crawling around the pipework or marching around occupied land.

I bet if there was a survey for the cause of most deaths in Mario, then the winner would be the Goomba.

It's not even like it's the most ferocious.  It's easy to leap over them (or on them).  After just a few minutes in the game, everyone becomes utterly adept at guiding Mario well away from them.

But that's a minute or two in.  Goombas are usually the first problem encountered in any new Mario game.  Hence they are the ones to teach each fledgling player the error of touching a boss.

I have to admit that, of all the Mario boss plush toys, this is the one I've most got my eye on.  I just love the face on it. It's amusing me.

When armies go to war, the ever-present issue is in provisions.  There have been historical generals who bought a new herd of cattle every day, just to have meat to feed their soldiers.

Patently not so Bowser.  He half-starves his poor Koopa Troopas until they're practically skin and bone, and still expects them to watch out for plumbers!

Dry Bones here would be your average Koopa soldier, if he wasn't so wracked with malnutrition.  Instead, he's pretty much a walking skeleton.

I would feel sorry for him, if he didn't still kill Mario on sight!  The best I could do was put him out of his misery by landing Mario on his head.

The correct place to hang your Boo is somewhere behind you. 

This shy, retiring, evil maniac would not look like that if you could see it.  It would have its mouth shut and appear the absolute picture of innocence.

I'm not sure how you'll get the same effect with this plush toy Boo.  Perhaps you could turn it around, whenever you need to look at it.  Or pretend that you carbonite froze it, like Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back.

Of course, you could always just stand behind it, and cause it to follow your nearest and dearest around.

There you are, just swimming along, minding your own business, stealing coins.  Suddenly there's an albino squid in your way!

Navigating around them is a matter of life or death, which is made more difficult by the water currents trying to drag you up. 

Colliding with one means a face full of ink.  You never actually see the ink (possibly because it's blinded you), but you do see poor Mario flickering as he's reduced in size.  Or the game over jingle, as he's killed outright.

Bloopers are only good when they're on our side; or, at least, used as weapons, as we force them to our will. I try not to think of that as slavery.

Unfortunately the plush toys aren't waterproof, otherwise the bath would be the obvious place to play with the Blooper plush dolls!

Cheep-Cheep, or their Japanese name Pukupuku, would be another excellent Mario bath toy.  But for the fact that they again aren't waterproof!  The manufacturers missed a trick there.

These minor bosses are also found in the ocean depths, because they are fish. But they've also been known to leap out of lava.

In fact, they're good at the old leaping out of things routine.  I once had one kill me on a bridge, that I didn't even see coming.  But they're usually encountered while swimming.

You may have avoided the Bloopers, but weaving their evil way between them are shoals of Cheep-Cheep.  They may look pretty, but they're deadly.  Cuddle this Pukupuku plush toy with care.

The whole species of Shy Guys didn't actually start life in Super Mario.  They first appeared in Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic. 

But it seemed that our favorite plumber didn't have enough to worry about, what with all of the other billion bosses he had to avoid. 

So along came the Shy Guys.  Some have cannons for mouths, others have razor sharp whirling hats, yet more drift around you elevated by balloons fastened to their robes.  All of them are out to cause pain and instant game over.

It's not just Mario and Luigi who have trouble with the Shy Guys.  Poor Yoshi keeps finding them infesting his homeland too!

Hours of fun and platforming greatness.