Regret: A Poem from The Divorce Chronicles
A poem written during the first years after divorce lamenting over keeping the ex's last name.
A Poem of Regret
From: The Divorce Chronicles
She dreams awake, for sleep won’t come.
And weeps in silence, as though dumb.
As if to grieve aloud would be
Admitting to this misery.
She hides it well behind tired eyes
And to herself she daily lies.
As if the truth aloud would be
A cold affront to her dignity.
And all the while she feels it still
The anger, the sadness, the bitter pill—
And is oft reminded, what a crying shame
Whene’er she writes her own last name.
My Personal Commentary
When you've chosen to keep your last name for the sake of your child, it is a bittersweet pill. There are good memories tied to that name. There is a child tied to that name. There is an entire set of in-laws tied to that name. (Which can be a good or bad thing). From my perspective, it seems to be a constant reminder of my ex-husband and the failure of the marriage--a very painful reminder. This is compounded by the fact that I actually was engaged to be remarried since the divorce, but I ended up breaking the engagement because I was just not ready. My fiance died this past October from a heart attack. The new marriage was just not meant to be. I have contemplated reverting back to my maiden name, but it seems like a lot of red tape and probably would add a lot of confusion to my business dealings. Plus, I consider how it might make my son feel alienated from me. If the last name is good enough for him, then it is good enough for me. It is just a name. The character behind the name is who a person ultimately is. This is what I strive to remember.
The name "Regret" may cause some to pause. My regrets are many--not that I am actually divorced, because that cannot be undone; but that it had to actually come down to it. I regret that I have a failed marriage--what I view as a black mark on my record. Bitterness? Oh yes, there has been a boat load of bitterness. But it's getting better. Every time it pops up, I have to slap it in the head and tell it to sit down and shut up. Sometimes it wins. But those times are getting farther and farther between. Do I still cry when I write my last name? No. Those days are behind me. Do I still feel a twinge of sadness? Yes. But I trust as time goes on even that will fade. You never know what life will bring. In the words of Kermit, for now at least, I just smile and say, "I ain't easy bein' green."
Some Helpful Books
If You're Going Through a Painful Divorce
|Better Off Without Him|
Mona Berman has it all—a twenty-year marriage, a successful career as a romance novelist, and three teenage daughters. But when her husband, Brian, leaves her for someone younge...
|DIVORCE: Think Financially, Not Emotionally® Volume I: What Women Need To Know About Securing The...|
Divorce is an extremely turbulent, stressful and emotional process ... and one during which women must make many important financial decisions that will, for better or worse, im...
|Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personalit...|
Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and AbuseDivorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD),...
|Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or...|
Mira Kirshenbaum (I Love You, But I Don't Trust You), an international bestselling author and world-renowned therapist, draws on years of counseling experience to lead readers t...
|Divorce: The Art of Screwing Up Your Children|
Divorcing, divorced, or just separated? Worried about screwing up your children? Looking for information on how to protect your children from the negative emotional aftereffects...
Gotta Love Kermie
It Ain't Easy Being Green
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