Regret: A Poem from The Divorce Chronicles
A poem written during the first years after divorce lamenting over keeping the ex's last name.
A Poem of Regret
From: The Divorce Chronicles
She dreams awake, for sleep won’t come.
And weeps in silence, as though dumb.
As if to grieve aloud would be
Admitting to this misery.
She hides it well behind tired eyes
And to herself she daily lies.
As if the truth aloud would be
A cold affront to her dignity.
And all the while she feels it still
The anger, the sadness, the bitter pill—
And is oft reminded, what a crying shame
Whene’er she writes her own last name.
My Personal Commentary
When you've chosen to keep your last name for the sake of your child, it is a bittersweet pill. There are good memories tied to that name. There is a child tied to that name. There is an entire set of in-laws tied to that name. (Which can be a good or bad thing). From my perspective, it seems to be a constant reminder of my ex-husband and the failure of the marriage--a very painful reminder. This is compounded by the fact that I actually was engaged to be remarried since the divorce, but I ended up breaking the engagement because I was just not ready. My fiance died this past October from a heart attack. The new marriage was just not meant to be. I have contemplated reverting back to my maiden name, but it seems like a lot of red tape and probably would add a lot of confusion to my business dealings. Plus, I consider how it might make my son feel alienated from me. If the last name is good enough for him, then it is good enough for me. It is just a name. The character behind the name is who a person ultimately is. This is what I strive to remember.
The name "Regret" may cause some to pause. My regrets are many--not that I am actually divorced, because that cannot be undone; but that it had to actually come down to it. I regret that I have a failed marriage--what I view as a black mark on my record. Bitterness? Oh yes, there has been a boat load of bitterness. But it's getting better. Every time it pops up, I have to slap it in the head and tell it to sit down and shut up. Sometimes it wins. But those times are getting farther and farther between. Do I still cry when I write my last name? No. Those days are behind me. Do I still feel a twinge of sadness? Yes. But I trust as time goes on even that will fade. You never know what life will bring. In the words of Kermit, for now at least, I just smile and say, "I ain't easy bein' green."
Some Helpful Books
If You're Going Through a Painful Divorce
|This Is Me Letting You Go|
Letting go is not a process that comes naturally to us. In a world that teaches us to cling to what we love at all costs, there is an undeniable art to moving on – and it’s one ...
|The Girls Are Gone: The True Story of Two Sisters Who Vanished, the Father Who Kept Searching, an...|
On the evening of April 19, 2013, Samantha and Gianna Rucki disappeared. Two of five children born to David Rucki and Sandra Grazzini-Rucki, the teenage sisters vanished in the ...
|Manifesting Love: How to Use the Law of Attraction to Attract a Specific Person, Get Your Ex Back...|
How to Use the Law of Attraction for Love on a Specific PersonYou're Only Moments Away From Manifesting a Relationship with a Specific PersonThat's how long it takes you to star...
|Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting® Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair|
Little compares to the devastation people feel upon discovering their spouse has been unfaithful. Shocked, devastated and overwhelmed, couples often hit stalemates as they strug...
|A Beautiful, Terrible Thing: A Memoir of Marriage and Betrayal|
A woman discovers her marriage is built on an illusion in this harrowing and ultimately inspiring memoir.“Be forewarned: You won’t sleep until you finish the last page.”—Carolin...
Gotta Love Kermie
It Ain't Easy Being Green
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