Regret: A Poem from The Divorce Chronicles
A poem written during the first years after divorce lamenting over keeping the ex's last name.
A Poem of Regret
From: The Divorce Chronicles
She dreams awake, for sleep won’t come.
And weeps in silence, as though dumb.
As if to grieve aloud would be
Admitting to this misery.
She hides it well behind tired eyes
And to herself she daily lies.
As if the truth aloud would be
A cold affront to her dignity.
And all the while she feels it still
The anger, the sadness, the bitter pill—
And is oft reminded, what a crying shame
Whene’er she writes her own last name.
My Personal Commentary
When you've chosen to keep your last name for the sake of your child, it is a bittersweet pill. There are good memories tied to that name. There is a child tied to that name. There is an entire set of in-laws tied to that name. (Which can be a good or bad thing). From my perspective, it seems to be a constant reminder of my ex-husband and the failure of the marriage--a very painful reminder. This is compounded by the fact that I actually was engaged to be remarried since the divorce, but I ended up breaking the engagement because I was just not ready. My fiance died this past October from a heart attack. The new marriage was just not meant to be. I have contemplated reverting back to my maiden name, but it seems like a lot of red tape and probably would add a lot of confusion to my business dealings. Plus, I consider how it might make my son feel alienated from me. If the last name is good enough for him, then it is good enough for me. It is just a name. The character behind the name is who a person ultimately is. This is what I strive to remember.
The name "Regret" may cause some to pause. My regrets are many--not that I am actually divorced, because that cannot be undone; but that it had to actually come down to it. I regret that I have a failed marriage--what I view as a black mark on my record. Bitterness? Oh yes, there has been a boat load of bitterness. But it's getting better. Every time it pops up, I have to slap it in the head and tell it to sit down and shut up. Sometimes it wins. But those times are getting farther and farther between. Do I still cry when I write my last name? No. Those days are behind me. Do I still feel a twinge of sadness? Yes. But I trust as time goes on even that will fade. You never know what life will bring. In the words of Kermit, for now at least, I just smile and say, "I ain't easy bein' green."
Some Helpful Books
If You're Going Through a Painful Divorce
|A Beautiful, Terrible Thing: A Memoir of Marriage and Betrayal|
“Like Big Little Lies, A Beautiful Terrible Thing is a startling reminder that fairy tales aren’t real. A master class in suspenseful storytelling, Jen Waite recounts the lies, ...
|Write It Out, Don’t Fight It Out: How to Use Letters to Heal Your Relationship When Talking Gets ...|
Does communicating with your partner sometimes feel impossible? Do you wish you could just stop arguing and talk without defensiveness and hurt feelings? Are there things you wa...
|Manifesting Love: How to Use the Law of Attraction to Attract a Specific Person, Get Your Ex Back...|
How to Use the Law of Attraction for Love on a Specific PersonYou're Only Moments Away From Manifesting a Relationship with a Specific PersonThat's how long it takes you to star...
|This Is Me Letting You Go|
Letting go is not a process that comes naturally to us. In a world that teaches us to cling to what we love at all costs, there is an undeniable art to moving on – and it’s one ...
|Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy: The Art of No Contact: A Woman's Survival Guide to Mastering A Break...|
Being single isn't what it used to be... Now it means you are smart, sexy and selective. It means you have options and do not have to settle when it comes to matters of the hear...
Gotta Love Kermie
It Ain't Easy Being Green
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The Beginning of the End: Prelude to The Divorce Chronicles
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When The Soul Ties Become Broken
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Surviving as a Single Mom
Practical tips for keeping it together when your marriage has fallen apart.
A personal blog of hope and inspiration.
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