Should You Play Down a First Valentine's Day or Pull Out All The Stops?

by WiseFool

A first Valentine's Day with a new partner can be difficult to judge. Do you play it cool or express your love in ostentatious style?

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

The first Valentine's Day is a realm that needs to be negotiated carefully

Let’s face it, a relationship’s first Valentine’s is treacherous territory. Mess this up, and it could be the end of a beautiful romance. However, with a bit of forethought and an open discussion with your significant other, you can probably navigate your way through without any casualties.

Now, of course, there is no stock answer to the question: “What should I do for a first Valentine’s Day?” It depends on a number of things, for example:


  • How long have you been together?
  • Is your new boyfriend, or girlfriend, anti-Valentine’s Day?
  • Has he, or she, already mentioned making plans for the big day that don’t involve you?
  • Has he, or she, already mentioned making plans for the big day that do involve you?
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If You Don't Know Me By Now

How long have you and your beloved been together?

Of course, there is a possibility that you and your significant other have been together for almost a year. In which case, knowing what to get him, or her, for Valentine’s Day should be relatively easy.

Likewise, if there has already been a birthday during the course of the relationship, you may have a pretty good idea whether or not your partner likes to make a ‘bid deal’ of these things.

However, if you have only been dating for a relatively short period (perhaps even a matter of days or weeks), it may be impossible to judge his, or her, feelings on the matter. This, of course, makes gift-buying a nightmare, as you may not yet be familiar enough with his, or her, tastes. And, most importantly, you don’t want to go over-the-top with an expensive gift if all you’ve got in return is a novelty keyring or teddy bear.

So, what do you do? Well, for a start off, don’t begin dating someone new in January - you’re just asking for trouble.

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Let's Talk About Love

Discuss Valentine's Day plans in advance

If you’re unsure of where you stand, it’s a great idea to casually broach the subject of Valentine’s Day. Men, it’s a good idea to do so sometime before the 13th of February.

A relaxed, 'no pressure' conversation about V-Day, should give you a good indication as to his, or her, overall outlook. However, be aware that their words might belie their actual feelings. For example, if a woman claims to feel that the whole day is merely a marketing ploy, that doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate some beautiful flowers.

In addition, men may give the whole, “It’s no big deal” fake out, only to greet you with chocolates, roses and a romantic dinner. So, the advice is: don’t necessarily take his, or her, words at face value.

That said, if a vehement anti-Valentine’s sentiment is expressed, this is probably best heeded. If their views don’t mesh with yours (and, by that, I mean are completely contrary), you will have to decided whether or not this is a deal breaker. 

Money Can't Buy Me Love

Romantic doesn't have to mean expensive

The fact is, sometimes, an understated, but very personal gesture, can be the most romantic of them all.

A home cooked meal is a great example. It doesn’t scream ‘Valentine’s Day’, but it is a extremely romantic act that your loved one will no doubt appreciate. It gives you the opportunity to spend time alone and, if you’re other half has expressed a distaste of the flashy commercialism, you’ve avoided that pitfall altogether.

As far as present-buying for a first Valentine’s is concerned, as a general rule of thumb, it is advisable to take a low-key approach. Bear in mind, if your relationship is still in the embryonic stages, a loud, proud gesture of your undying love might come across as a little too intense. And by ‘intense’, I mean clingy.

On the other hand, if you’re going to buy a gift, try not to choose something too generic. If you’re completely stumped for what he, or she, would like, try a covert information gathering session; either through casual conversations with the person in question, or their friends or family members. That is, of course, if you’re already in touch with friends or family’s probably not a good idea to hunt them down in the manner of a stalker.

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A Different Kind of Love Song

Don't be afraid to have a non-traditional Valentine's Day

No matter what you decide to do for your first Valentine’s Day, remember that you don’t have to follow the crowd; with the standard chocolate, flowers and meal at a restaurant.

You might choose to do something adventurous, like arrange a rock climbing afternoon or a bungee jump. Alternatively, you might prefer slightly tamer excursions, such as getting away from it all with a picnic (if your climate allows).

Your first Valentine’s should be a fun, exciting and memorable event for both of you. Make sure you discuss the day beforehand, so you don’t spend the first half of February anxiously trying to second-guess what your partner has planned.

Updated: 01/31/2012, WiseFool
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katiem2 on 02/03/2013

I like the idea of pulling out all the stops. Valentines day is a great opportunity to demonstrate how much the love in your life means to you. This is a great example of some great ways to make for the best Valentines Day ever and one to cement the relationship. :)K

WiseFool on 01/18/2012

Thanks, Sheri. I think Valentine's Day can be a great opportunity to let the one you love know they're appreciated. It's just a case of giving it that personal touch.

Sheri_Oz on 01/18/2012

This is so lovely. Just like Valentine's Day should be.

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