Step Twelve in recovery

by Broken_Dreamer01

This is my experience with step Twelve the first time around.

Step twelve, though an ongoing step, brought me to a halt when it was finally time to confront it, learn it, and, then, live it. Plus, looking at beginning the steps all over again...

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, ...

I've had a what? Spiritual awakening? What's that?

"Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to the addict who still suffers, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." My sponsor read from the book.

"I've had a what? Spiritual awakening? What's that?" I asked, knowing that I would have to break this step up into parts, because I didn't get any of it!

"A spiritual awakening." she repeated.

There was no hint of a smile on her face but her eyes were dancing with glee! I knew she was having a ball with this! I smiled. I waited. She couldn't hold it back anymore, she laughed.

"Okay, now that the laughter is out of the way, have I had a spiritual awakening?" I asked.

"Yes. You have had a spiritual awakening." She stated, as if she knew without a doubt this miracle had happened.

"How do I know I have had one?" I asked.

"You remember when you called me, crying, telling me the story about how you were short with a store worker and you had to go and find them and apologize?" She asked.

"Oh! The humiliation!" I dropped my head into my palms.

"That's how you know you've had a spiritual awakening." She said.

"Because I'm willing to humiliate myself?" I asked.

"That too!" she laughed.

Spiritual Awakening

The fullness of life finally reaches us in the deepest part of ourselves...
Spiritual Awakening

...we tried to carry this message to addicts, ...

Am I gonna have to be a missionary or something?

"Carrying the message to addicts who still suffer." I said slowly.

"Is a lot easier than I think you're imagining it to be." She laughed.

We had spent a great deal of time communicating with each other over that last year. I knew she was laughing at her old self, more than at me, but somehow I still had a twinge of feeling that I should know this.

"Remember when you attended the group conscience?" She asked, "We talked about how we could get others to see what we are about?"

"Yeah, I remember. There was a lot discussion, then we ended up closing the meeting without deciding anything." I said.

"Right, that is an attempt to carry the message my a group." She said, "How can you carry the message in your life?"

"I could volunteer to put flyers up for our group. I could talk to people about my experiences. I could sponsor someone who asks me to sponsor them." I said.

"All of those are excellent ideas. However, I want you to keep an eye out for other opportunities as well. Get out of your comfort zone, stretch yourself a little."

"You mean you want me to go on some mission with this kind of stuff?" I asked.

"No, you'll figure out what works for you." She laughed.

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...and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

"You have already started living these principles in all your affairs. This is just a reminder that you cannot quit working on it." My sponsor said, "This is serious business. We are talking about your life, your family's well being, your friend's well being, your employer's well being, everything!"

I wondered if she thought I was going to quit working the steps. I had listened to those people who had multiple years clean, worked the steps, then went on with their life like they had graduated. I listened to how they had relapsed and come back in with a new clean date. I wanted no part of that!

"I hope you will still be my sponsor." I told her.

"Of course!" She said, "Sponsorship doesn't end the first time through the steps. It continues until one or the other decides it isn't working or we move on to the next world."

"This sounds like a lifelong friendship." I said.

"Perhaps, it will not be your only life long friendship." She said.

"I hope not. I like this." I said.

Carrying the message

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This was my experience with step three in recovery the first time.
Addiction prepared me for anything, right?!?
Addiction taught me humiliation, recovery taught me humility.
Updated: 03/29/2012, Broken_Dreamer01
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