Tips for Working Dads

Most Dads are working dads. It's easy to forget that dads need to balance work and home life too. Times have changed and dads aren't just breadwinners. Hopefully they are equal parents too. 

I'm a working Mom, but I'm the main breadwinner, working in a professional corporate job with all the demands that entails. My partner works too and I'm careful not to put more responsibility for childcare onto him. It would be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that my job is 'more important' and that he should take more responsibility for the kids. 

I know that as a man my partner sometimes finds it harder to work flexibly. It isn't so common and there's an assumption that it's the Mom that takes time off for sick children and school events. He does it anyway and I think the kids benefit hugely from equal parenting. 

I also work with a lot of men with wives who don't work. They feel the full responsibility of earning money and often have a very unequal relationship with their kids. 

I'll share some ideas on how you can be a working dad and an equal parent. 

I hear this argument from male colleagues a lot. They work late regularly because they feel under pressure as the only breadwinner. I don't think this is a particularly healthy situation. 

Of course women need to stay at home when they have tiny babies and while they are breastfeeding, but after that there's no reason why men and women can't share childcare equally. 

My partner and I both work slightly reduced hours and we use childcare for three days a week. We could work shorter hours and not use childcare at all, but we happen to think that a moderate amount of childcare is brilliant for our kids. 

I do understand the pressure to keep a good job and the difficulty getting flexible working arrangements in the current financial climate, but I do think that more working dads should reduce their hours. 

Sometimes wives do work but earn less. In those situations it's very easy for the dad to justify working longer hours because their job is more important. I don't think this is a healthy attitude. It encourages a society in which dad's are more important at work and less important at home. Kids need time with their dads just as much as time with their moms.

I think that as a mom it's somewhat easier for me to take an equal share in childcare even though I'm the main earner. Or maybe it's harder for me not to do it! I wouldn't consider being the second parent just because I earn more money. Why should you?

Talk to your colleagues about your kids so they are aware of them. They just might remember when scheduling a meeting and take it into account. Have photos on your desk and on your phone. 

We all need to do our bit to ensure that it's possible to do a professional job when you have children. Pretending they don't exist doesn't help with this at all. 

If it's not working, change something. It should be possible for most people to get a reasonable balance between work and being a Dad. There will be trade-offs but you shouldn't feel that you are short-changing your kids. 

Could you move closer to work? Getting rid of the commute makes a huge difference. How about changing your job? Could you work from home some or all of the time?

And finally, don't forget to enjoy your kids. It's easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget how lovely they are. (Well mine certainly are :-)