A couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction

I do think this book is a great read for anybody struggling with sexual addiction: both partners, the one who 'has' sexual addiction as a pattern in his life and the one dealing with the effects of that on the relationship. 

For me it was a useful book because it looks in depth at how healthy relationships work: the intimacy, working through issues, dealing with conflicts etc. Sexual addiction can be overcome, so the authors suggest, if both partners are willing to work on it and they develop more healthy ways of dealing with the inevitable low spots. 

"We tend to be surprised when sexuality and/or intimacy become issues in our close relationships. But where else would the issues and difficulties we might have around sexuality and intimacy arise? Our closest relationships are exactly the place offering us the opportunity to heal the wounds that may have moved us away from the naturalness of our sexual expression and/or away from our natural connectedness with others." (p. 43 from Ch3: Sex Addiction and Your Relationship) 

If you are the one who uses sex to avoid dealing with issues in your relationship, either by cheating on your partner or by watching porn, the main thing to do is face up to this fact and stop doing it. This book will not only give you tools on that - but will also help you deal with your disillusioned partner and how to help her know that you're serious this time. 

There are no quick fixes, but if both partners are committed to the process, healing IS possible. 

Personally I loved the real life stories in this book. However, as you would expect from a self help book, it also contains exercises to do together and alone. I obviously haven't tried them, but they do sound psychologically sound and healthy. 

"Your partner's imagination about what you have done is generally more destructive to your relationship than the truth about your compulsive, addictive sexual behavior." (p. 79 from ch 4: What Does This Mean about You?)

The publisher sent me this for review after I'd written an article about celibacy of all things. I did mention sexual addiction in there, so I guess there was some reason for me to read it.  

I hesitated to review the book, not because it didn't think it was a good book - it's actually great - but because I'm really primarily a writer on spirituality, even if I do some more commercial writing on the side. 

However, because the book is great, and because I almost promised a review here we go.

Just so you know: I have no personal experience with sexual addiction at all, nor do I have experience with having a partner who deals with this. 

I do have a chocolate addiction, but I'm not sure that counts. 

"To be vulnerable means you are willing to be hurt. If we emotionally block ourselves off from being hurt, we also shield ourselves from other feelings. We cannot selectively choose to only experience positive feelings and emotions and do away with the negative ones. If we banish fear, anger, and pain, we cut ourselves off from joy, love and belonging." (p. 122, Ch. 7: Working with Strong Feelings and Emotions)