Water Is A Chemical Substance - The FAQ's To This (potentially)Dangerous Substance - (Parody Humor)

by Jerrico_Usher

This article is a parody of "water is a chemical". I hope you find it funny :)

In a world where everything is being pushed at you from prescription drugs to vitamins to Nutraceuticals to try to boost your brain power (Noopept) to even the water we drink having the power of atomic energy, it's funny to post a parody of the insanity of the world through the lens of what most of us consider a "safe" substance.

In this parody humor article we'll discover how dangerous water really is(well not really)! But we'll see real equations and funny acronyms along the way anyway!

Water Molecule Glass
Water Molecule Glass
Water Molecule Plush Toys
Water Molecule Plush Toys

1. What exactly is the substance known as Water or H2O?

Water is a substance that goes by many street names.

You may hear it referred to as Liquid Crystal, W or Hot Ice.

The chemical name of this substance is H2O.

Water has been shown to be a highly addictive chemical.

In the natural state, Water is clear, odorless and tasteless (yea right tasteless...).

2. Is this substance dangerous in any way?

The answer to this is a possible yes.

Water often is embedded by bacteria and other dangerous elements- you must first sterilize it or it's extremely dangerous.

Scientific research has shown that any and all living creatures on this planet contain Water.

Most creatures imbibe more of this substance during this life cycle.

Once an animal takes in this substance, he or she will work to obtain more.

If the organism does not get this substance in sufficient amounts, withdrawal will occur in the form of dehydration.

When dehydration becomes severe enough, the organism will eventually pass away.

Even those organisms which get a sufficient quantity of water will eventually move on to a better place.

Aside from this, one should note that Water is the chemical substance H2O.

It contains both Hydrogen and Oxygen.

These substances are used in conjunction to create rocket fuel.

For this reason, H2O is a highly volatile substance.


3. Can Water Mixed With Other Things?

Drugs should never be mixed according to current research.

If you feel you must mix water with another drug, there are certain things you must remember.

Water is both a filter and a coolant.

4. A friend of a friend received some laced water. Does this happen frequently?

Contaminants may be found in almost all H2O.

As water, in its natural form, has no odor, taste or color, the presence of any of these is a good indication that the water has been laced with foreign substances.

Water is both strong and inexpensive to make meaning that you really don’t have to be concerned that it will be laced with anything else.

5. How is H2O synthesized?

Water synthesis is actually very simple

  • Using your kitchen tap, fill a pot up.
  • Boil the contents of the pot for approximately 15 minutes.
  • Your H2O may now be ingested safely.
  • If you wish to have a higher grade of this substance, a recipe has been created by Mike T. Wall.

How to Prepare Hydrogen Oxide or Water


  • Fill an Erlenmeyer flask with a small number of grams of zinc metal chips.
  • Fit this flask with a rubber stopper with two holes. Insert a thistle tube into one hole.
  • Push this tube down until the end is located just above the zinc metal chips.
  • Insert a rubber tube into the other hole.
  • Connect this tube to a copper horizontal pipe.
  • This pipe should first be filled with cupric oxide in loose fitting chunks.
  • The second end of this copper pipe should be attached to a Liebig condenser.
  • The Liebig condenser needs to be mounted with the open end down.
  • This is referred to as distilling fashion.
  • The condenser should then be suspended above a beaker.
  • Light a Bunsen flame under the cupric oxide reaction pipe, while allowing a cool liquid of any type to circulate throughout the condenser.
  • Some prefer to use cold Water from the tap.
  • This is not recommended as there are legalities to doing so.
  • When this is done, concentrated sulfuric acid in sufficient quantities will be introduced using the thistle tube.
  • This sulfuric acid will cover the zinc chips completely.
  • You will notice that it will come over the end of the thistle tube. This is normal.
  • Condensation occurs in the condenser. It then runs out and enters the beaker.
  • The product that results is a technical grade of Water appropriate for recreational use.


The reaction sequence seen with this procedure is:

  • Zn + H2SO4 -> ZnSO4 + H2
  • H2 + CuO -> Cu + H2O


6. Is water that is brewed at home in a bathtub as effective as purchased water?

In my humble opinion, water from the bathtub (slosh) is unable to compete with types that have become legends (bottled).

This includes such names as Naya, Owsley and Perrier.

Of course, you will obtain a certain satisfaction by brewing your own so this needs to be taken into consideration.

7. ‘Kind’ water-what exactly is this?

There are two major varieties of water.

One is referred to as soft while the other is known as hard. Soft water is less damaging to pipes, kettles and the like.

Hard water, in contrast, provides a stronger taste.

Some will argue that the ‘gate valve’ syndrome needs to be taken into account.

With this syndrome, people who begin using soft water will eventually escalate to the hard variety.

This is not the case with everyone though.

I began drinking soft water years ago and have yet to escalate so this is obviously not true.

8. What are the different types of water, if any?

Apparent variations may be seen in the chemical makeup of water purchased in stores.

This needs to be looked at for this particular section of the site.

Water remains available for sale to anyone who would like to purchase it.

No prescription is necessary as it may be obtained over the counter.

In addition, the FDA has not yet begun regulating this product and it is not found on any DEA schedule from all appearances.

This could change at any time though. We need to keep what we have found about water to ourselves so they don’t catch on.

If they do, we may see congressional hearings or something of that nature very soon.

Water comes in many varieties.

You may see water on the shelf labeled as “steam distilled” and then, further down the shelf, you will see what appears to be the same thing labeled either “drinking” water or “spring” water.

It’s hard to tell if there is any difference in the different types of water other than price, labeling and packaging.

Store brands tend to be the cheapest while those such as the regional “Artesian Wells” are mid-priced. Imported water is always priced the highest.

You may have seen vending machines offering this product outside grocery and discount stores.

People love these as you don’t have to show any ID!

The water in these machines comes in a variety of types also.

Here you can get drinking water or the distilled version.

Choose an unlabelled container if at all possible.

This allows you to pretend something else is in the bottle.

Many bottles will claim to have added minerals.

Strychnine may be among these additives as, if you drink too much or too fast, your stomach may cramp.

Many say this is a myth, but no one knows for sure.

9. Can you please explain the LD50 of this substance?

Toxicity Data of W

ABM-WRD LJHO: 180 GM/KG/83H JHIMHU 498,3898,76

HYG-HJG LD50: 190 GM/KG JHGH** KH765-593

HTG-FBN LD50: 25 GM/KG MHGBH6 6,305,64

Reviews, Standards and Regulations

HUGG 3856: KEN L1000; DKL 387; DLY 395738; EOW 387; WLD 3957210

HUMG 3910; KEN L1000; DKL 396; DLY 396012; EOW 397; WLD 8863953; KW.







3981 MG/KG ( ) ( )

> 4444 MG/KG (HYG-HJG)





Of course these results have been induced in lab mice.

The same results may not be seen in humans.

Water can be dangerous for this reason so care should be taken when ingesting water.

A1. Water ‘trip’ descriptions

Steven Michael, #86734

Last night was the first time I ever ingested Water and it was incredible!

Friends had been telling me how great it was, but its better than I dreamed.

I have to admit that I was a little scared to try it due to side effects I had heard about.

Some say it choked them while one friend told me he got wet after dribbling it all over himself.

Thankfully I managed to avoid all of these.

When the glasses started getting passed around, I decided to grab one.

The Water was incredibly clear and my friends said it came from a Canadian spring.

I don’t know the truth of this, but it was excellent quality judging by the color alone.

I ingested approximately 500 grams and it was amazingly wet going down my throat.

This happened immediately and was repeated with every swallow. A number of things occurred during my trip.

I no longer felt thirsty although this didn’t last long.

Now I have new insights into my consciousness, the biggest being Water relieves thirst.

Devon King, e-mail contributor

Water is not something I ingest, but my neighbors do on a regular basis.

They even fill their swimming pool with the stuff.

I rarely use it due to not have an outside spigot for car washing although I do take daily showers.

Andrew Thompson, #878879

Water addiction, according to a recent study, appears to have a genetic component.

All classes of society are affected although there does appear to be a gene that is responsible for this.

Many recovery programs have been created and now new self-help programs are appearing.

The Adult Children of Waterholics is one such group and “Phillip” is a member.

Phillip talks about the rage he experienced as a result of his inability to confront his parents.

He thought Water consumption was normal for a long period of time.

Now he is upset and blames the culture.

He believes other cultures would not expose their children to this substance at dinnertime.

Here Water is present at the dinner table on a daily basis.

Children, such as Phillip, could see how to obtain it right from the tap.

After watching this for long enough, Phillip would sneak a sip to try it.

Before long, his obsession increased.

He was taking showers and baths and participating in water sports.

As his addiction increased, Phillip progressed from drinking water in puddles to drinking from a toilet bowl.

The addiction became so bad that he had to seek treatment.

Thankfully a therapist introduced him to milk and he has a new substance to ingest.

Laura, on the other hand, refuses to admit that she has a problem with Water.

She’s been using for approximately a month and feels the dangers have been exaggerated.

She blames it on propaganda and insists it is harmless.

No one study has shown that Hot Ice harms the bladder or makes you pee. Nothing is further from the truth according to Laura.

She says, in her month of use, she has yet to pee.

As a result, we have created a group called ‘Water Deserves Fair Play’.

The goal of the group is to get the government to be truthful about Liquid Crystal.

They need to tell the public of any risks of using this substance while also telling us how to minimize them.

Prohibition is ineffective. Sadly, many politicians choose to make this a crusade.

Don’t let this happen.

Stop the regulation of Water by the government today.


A2. Street Prices as of January 12, 2012

  • Dallas, Texas
  • Typical Perrier, $2 per use liter
  • City of Fredericksburg, Virginia
  • $7 per 1,000 gallons

A3. Update on the International legality of this substance

The threat of Water in Europe is increasing rapidly.

Tourists become desperate and will do almost anything to score a hit of Water.

This is especially true when the weather is hot.

Although Liquid Crystal is not in short supply, in certain parts of the continent, the situation is deteriorating.

Police are aware of this and have called for an increase in their street presence.

Not only are they trying to weed out those who are pushing Hot Ice, they are also sentencing them severely when they are caught!

A4. Conclusions

That's It! Hope This made you laugh!

Updated: 11/29/2012, Jerrico_Usher
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