New Marriage Laws Eliminate the need for Divorce [Humor]

by Jerrico_Usher

This is not real, it's a joke and all in fun... nothing in this article is law, pending or otherwise

Marriage is a sacred vow, but with so many divorces happening and the fallout being so negative and life sucking, there should be in this post modern society, some alternatives. More and more, society is being given a choice outside the realms of religion and traditional ways of doing things. As society is evolving (or is it de-volving in this case with divorce being such an issue), so should it's laws, allocating a new improved option for those that do not chose to live under the laws of religion and state but rather to be given an alternative option (which wouldn't eliminate the traditional ones none the less).

In this parody humor article, I decided to take a look at how that would look if there was a few more options to the marriage laws/format and how people would respond to being given this choice (poll at the end). If you care to participate vote in the poll and let's see how people feel! With that enjoy!

Introduction: (this is just a joke)

With so many couples getting married then finding themselves in divorce situations after only a year to five years from the time they get married, this has started an epidemic.

The courts are now flooding with people petitioning for divorce and this is causing an overflow of problems as property damage persists and countless children are becoming the victims of the fights breaking out between the parents in an estranged marriage. I tell you....

There oughta be a law!


The first happy couple under the 2012 Marriage Law Update

They signed up for the 5 year marriage lease, their comment "We weren't going to get married but we figured we'd give it
They signed up for the 5 year marriag...
"It's all there in black and white honey, it says after 5 years I can walk away and give you nothing but what's yours, y
"It's all there in black and white ho...

The New (fictitious) Law

Just released today, Obama has passed a new law governing marriage that he hopes will help people to "be the change".

The new law in effect will append the marriage laws to include a marriage lease option.

When getting married you can choose the 5 year, 10 year, 20 year, 50 year, or life time plan.

Each plan comes with it's own set of rules/laws.

The way it works is your marriage will automatically and legally dissolve after the time allotted in the plan. For example if you choose the 5 year plan after five years your marriage will no longer be recognized as a legal marriage, however there are some provisions.

There will be an exit interview to figure out custody and possession allocation and there will be a grace period of 6 months when you can, if both parties are in agreement, renew your marriage as if it never annulled (retroactive to the last day of the last marriage contract).

You may renew your marriage before the expiration date to create a seamless marriage by simply sending in the marriage license fee of 40.00. You may also at your discretion take a break and remarry later and your marriage license will show as suspended until further notice.

Upon remarrying if you do so before the tenth year after the dissolution of the marriage, you may just pay the fee and your marriage license will simply be reenacted for the amount of time you've chosen from the choices in the marriage law hand book.

With this new law Divorce is no longer an option so if you get married and don't like your partner- tough, your going to have to bite the bullet (although legal separation is still an option and expires when the lease term expires).

Marriage Lease Burning Ceremonies are popular

Marriage Liscense Burning CeremonyThere has been much happiness in the new law passing that let's people get married for only a few years at a time (5 minimum) that when couples find themselves getting close to the end of their marriage they are turning it into an event called the "marriage lease burning ceremony" in which couples burn their marriage certificates much like a mortgage burning ceremony. For some it's a return to freedom without the ugly connotations of "divorce" hanging on your record- once it's done it's like it never happened.

For others it's a renewal party, complete with renewal wedding, vows, and celebration for achieving what many didn't- a renewed marriage!

Many people whom have chosen not to renew their marriage lease have found that this option takes a lot of the pain and suffering out of splitting up, even causing people to stay friends and agreeing to disagree. The new law has distributed a whole new way of being married and works out better for this new age/era.

Families from both sides of the couple attend the ceremonies and often the two people in the marriage make comments of this being a great way to go because you can enjoy your life with someone but don't feel obligated to stay married to them because of fear of divorce being so expensive and losing half your assets. In the new law when the couple is reaching their fifth year they are court ordered to handle the legalities of splitting up the home, furniture and possessions before their dissolution date. Anything left unresolved is considered in the 9/10th law of possession...

Do you think this would be a better way to go?

Would marriage with a time limit resolve most of the divorce problems?
  Display results
Thank You For Voting! Hope You Enjoyed This Hypothetical Concept

Reader Feedback

  • Wow, this is a GREAT idea! My nephew married a beautiful girl from Thailand, but... they are having serious relationship issues, talking about divorce after being married for only two years. And... I think of friends who have been married for over 40 years and don't know how to get out of their union. I really, like this law. Its progressive.
  • Your joke should be turned into a new marriage law! :)
  • I like your idea it is very creative & unique idea but sounds very ridiculous, I mean a marriage lease please give me a break......just kidding ok.
    I think differently please read the details. Even if your dream comes true & this idea becomes law. I believe you forget the early lease termination clause in the lease.
    Do you remember signing a lease residential or commercial in the past or present. If so you know in the lease there is an option for both party's landlord & the tenant to terminate the lease earlier with a one month or two months notice from either party.
    That clause will be like an earlier divorce with no questions asked because any party can decide to terminate the lease with out giving any reason with one or two months notice. In that case no problem to go through the divorce process this clause in the lease sounds very interesting. What do you think ?
  • I think this would be a clever idea because instead of having divorces if people discover after a year that their marriage is not working, they can just wait for it to expire. During the separation period people can take time to get to know what they want out of life, that way there will be no jumping from one marriage to another. Sounds like a good plan.

In conclusion

I wrote this years ago after seeing so many people I knew from work bringing up divorce. I thought this would be fun to write about what it would look like if there were a law that would fix the problem. I can't say a lease would be a good or bad idea but it's an idea that's interesting to ponder. In the end, isn't the biggest issue in divorce (not withstanding custody issues) money?

I hope you found this funny.

Updated: 07/20/2012, Jerrico_Usher
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cherylone on 06/29/2012

Funny, but I actually like the concept. It seems to be something like in the old Star Trek show where they had contractual marriages of up to 5 years, when the contract was up, you either renewed or let it expire. :)

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