What Is Real Love? Wisdom From My Heart

by Jerrico_Usher

Love, true love, is possible when we learn to trust our own feelings, when we stop taking from the world to try to compensate for what we lack the courage to feel from ourselves..

When it comes to matters of the heart there is often room for doubt and the intense need for help from a trusted source you feel won't sugar coat the truth. The truth is what we long for when it comes to love and the pain it sometimes brings with it. This is a cold hard facts sheet about love and how it relates to you and all other living breathing beings. I caution you not to read this if you are of a faint delusional heart. This is for those who seek only the truth about love and what it really is. (Introduction up to here: By Katie McMurray).

The following article is more like a poem (that doesn't rhyme) that is both focused and abstract (just like love). I wrote it to flesh out the reality of love and being "in love", based on my experiences. Think of this as being read at one of those coffee shop gatherings where people act out their poetry and put emotion into it. Only you'll have to imagine my doing this- I hope this lends you some insight. Comments are always welcome!

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Love

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What is Love for?

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True love is...

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Poetry

What is love? Is it that chemical response to feelings for another, or is it a hope that spawns chemicals that make one try harder to please the other despite ones selfish needs?

Some say love is an infection, a disease (dis-ease) that comes and starts out as butterflies and flowers but that's just to Trojan horse its way deep into the recesses of your psyche.. When it's too late to fight it.

But love is something you cannot get from another, not first, not leaned upon, lest you push it further away.

Love has to be first given by and to yourself, for only then is love truly felt and enjoyed, true love cannot be faltered by another's lack of actions, or actions...

True love is giving, not just taking; Receiving not just giving; It's allowing one to give but not judging what or for how much.

Love is allowing another to receive your love and admiration but not making them give it to you to fulfill your needs, selfish needs..

Love when given after one loves one's self is true...

Because it doesn't require the other to do anything to receive it.. You give it without demanding reciprocation.. Sure you'd love to have it, but it's so much more when it's given and not expected is it not?

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Receipt For Love

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You don't give true love and need a receipt.. But why then does everyone do this?

Is this the reason most love never sustains?

A 30 year marriage sustains because its baked in true love, selfless giving on both sides, not giving because the other gave, but giving because you want the other to be happy.. Not just yourself.

True love knows that your actions are hurting another (or lack of action) and taking no time to think about it, just offer them relief from their pain, not because it would make you feel better but because you know it will make THEM feel better!

True love is not allowing one to feel bad, or selfishly not making time for them because you need something.

If your own fears stop you from taking care of someone you know needs you, you're being selfish as hell, and allowing your needs to come before theirs, that's not love, that's selfishness.

A virus is defined by its actions, it usually shows up as something it's not (at the core) Then it gets in and starts to destroy your resources until everything is gone, then it moves on to find new territory to consume.

Like a symbiotic relationship it lives because of and in spite of you, it feeds on your needs and your reactions.. It's an entity made up purely of chemicals that your body produces by your thoughts being the resource for its formula…

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Love seems to fit this profile

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You meet someone and with the dream of being loved and appreciated by another you start to develop hope and admiration. Aspirations flood your conscious thinking and before you realize your infected the chemicals are released and you feel wonderful, blissful, and it's this that motivates you to not only persevere the course, but to valiantly persevere without stopping even to rest..

What I think makes love turn someone gullible is that once infected you don't seem to believe anything that's negative can happen. Reason is replaced with dreams, ideals of something grander than you've ever known. Love is an antidepressant for these reasons! You persevere in the light of defeat, when you are forced to wait for someone, knowing this isn't right, or "love like" when you tell them you're hurting and the wait is killing you but they keep making you believe the wait is not for not..

That they have this plan to love you for the entire splendor that is you... And you wait and wait, absorb the shock of knowing that something has to be amiss... After all you've loved before and know what is right and wrong right?

But still you wait and believe... it's the chemical bath your body is being laced with, they are powerful sustenance's, more powerful than any drug or opiate at blocking pain and reason..

Love seems to make us stupid, makes us do things against the grain, when we know and consciously process these facts and figures yet we refuse to believe the truth.. because we want the ride to continue and know if we deny ourselves the belief in the hope that things will continue like they did at first, that if we stop believing we will stop producing the chemical shower of love's very essence- it's ingredients..

It's funny how we ALWAYS see it coming but deny its existence that someone's playing a game with our heart for their own selfish needs, but knowing love is not selfish at all, love is supposed to be them giving us attention and chasing us, making us feel good despite their own needs, needs that we are supposed to take care of in them, love is not one sided.. Well the fairy tale we all believe is love is anyway.. But is it?

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Couple

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Thing is we shouldn't be worried about what they are doing

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but what WE are doing.. 

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The irony is we both need to worry about each others feelings but when one doesn't we tend to become selfish and worry about what they're not doing, not what we're not doing..

Ah how the tables turn when we're selfishly caught up in our own idea of Love's definition when all along it didn't change- we did, we do, and we are the frail one... emotions sweep reason away, until something happens that causes introversion...

Most love that failed was often never love, but lust disguised as the big bad wolf- we must persevere and learn the truth- love is not something you commandeer, something you own- it's as dynamic and ever elusive if you keep changing the laws of physics to suit your selfish needs- ah but love is also so nurturing if you just let it be, let it be itself, let it happen- don't chase it, it always chases you unless your repelling it (often chasing causes a repel action)!

True love is about what we do for them, not them for us.. sure they're wrong if they don't give us what we need (reciprocation) but worrying about it is selfish too... One sided I mean.. Because thing is, love is not an existence that happens outside of us, its inside, it's a chemical reaction to our thoughts.. and those chemicals are always a gift, not something you acquire.

love is supposed to be the sharing of one's self selflessly, to another, making them feel powerful feelings of admiration and attention, but we tend to believe the fairy tale and when were not stimulated by the other we think, they're being unreasonable..

But are we the ones being unreasonable or them?? Or are we make believing that what we know to be fact is truly fiction? Love seems to be 100% self inflicted, were not given anything from the outside, that makes us feel these things, it's our beliefs and our perceptions, our ambitions, our lust and wants that create the thoughts, that makes the chemicals release...

How we accept them is what gives us the challenge, but in the end it's what WE believe, and act on, that determines the chemicals released, be it frustration formulations or love... but the truth is until we love ourselves completely we can't offer others love, why?

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Love Yourself

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Because... 

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until we love ourselves and believe in ourselves we are always trying to find that love and attention externally through another ... No wonder we're confused!

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Until we stop blaming others for our unhappiness, something that is 100% our control, no one else's; we won't be able to give without first taking. People take to sustain that love we should already have, lest we cannot give.

The attitude of entitlement is a cancer...

love is very susceptible to this cancer- don't do it- your not entitled to anything, at least not if you want to feel true love, real selflessness, liberation..freedom, love is giving and letting others decide to give or not- if they don't, you can experience love by giving more- giving is a magnet for love.

When we love ourselves, trust ourselves, stop living in the past mistakes, just chalk those up to lessons, learn the lessons, realize we must first fall in love with ourselves, and truly believe in ourselves. We must be in love with who we are before we can fertilize the soil that is love.

Then and only then can we offer another true selfless love, for we aren't giving them something for something, were giving them something just to give it to them, we sustain enough self worth to just give, we don't need something back first.. The feeling of giving inspires us.. and love is in the details of that selfless act!

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Scared Cat

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Think of it like a scared wild kitten... you can't force the kitten to come to you, you can't lure her in with selfish treats, she'll see you, know your game- ahhh but sit there quietly, let her see you're friendly, and she'll come to you. The more you try the further away love pushes, but sit still and better yourself, focus on your growth, and the polarities of the magnet that pushed, now pull... and the law of attraction starts to ignite!

When the tables turn, when we're on the kitten side of the equation, and we notice in the other that they're just giving to receive more from us, were repulsed by their greed, there lack of self worth and love has nowhere to blossom.

The truth about love is it has to be owned to be given away, to own love is to own your thoughts, not live in some fantasy that your past pains will create your future.. The future is up to you, you cannot worry that things will repeat themselves lest if you do you never really resolved the REAL problem, to trust yourself enough to take a chance.. to know that someone hurt you, not a stereotype or group of people..

To blame a new love for something an old love did only shows you still haven't let yourself trust yourself. You're still reacting to love instead of acting towards it.

Love only grows in an environment of trust.. of belief in yourself.. If you lack this, love will eventually become volatile, you will hurt the other in subtle ways, until you've corroded away their pride, there trust, there own self love.

If they love unconditionally, they don't need to feed off of you, they could just feed to you, and love themselves for their efforts... Love is about synergy- two loves pushing outward create a synergy of love that absorbs- not one that changes either one by action reaction but by natural synergy.

Don't try to completely understand what that means- just know that love happens, it's not conjured in, it's not planned, it's not even secure in the essence that it's dynamic! You must always realize its nature and live within the laws of its existence to experience it...

They receive not in what you give them but by your reactions and happiness in what they gave you.. and if love is real, you will naturally reciprocate this to and for them too... This is the environment, the very soil that love can blossom in and everything from (metaphorically) trees to grass, to fruits and vegetation that makes man thrive.. can be spawned from fertile soil of love..

Two people in love aren't only going to make each other amazing and ambitious; they will affect many others in their wake! Allowing someone to make you happy is one thing, making their actions the cause ONLY of your happiness is actually the epitome of selfish!

But if this is self inflicted then we have no one to blame for our pain when love lost or love is betrayed, for without our keen sense of observation, something love tends to rationalize the bad times, and glorify the good. (thoughts that tell us otherwise that what we see is wrong when the warning signs are posted all too clearly and laced with intuitive reasoning as proof)

Our thoughts seem to become categorized in things we want and things we want to deny. If we get hurt easily by another's actions that only prove that we don't love our self enough to love unconditionally...

If another's actions hurt us it is actually us hurting ourselves because we're denying that we ever truly loved them, we loved ourselves and like to blame them for our loss, but truthfully, we should blame ourselves for being so shameful as to try to take from them what we lacked in giving ourselves!

Patience comes when we don't take from them, but rather enjoy what they give. If they don't give it, we shouldn't feel bad. We should just realize we need to give more.. we can't make them give it, it's not real then.. And to blame them for not giving us happiness we're being selfish.. we're epitomizing ourselves what were blaming them for not doing!

We shouldn't seek happiness from them, but because we give it to them.. if we're upset or sad it's because we are making outcomes that aren't fair, to either party..

True love isn't getting mad because they didn't fulfill some need we had, true love is fulfilling their needs just because we want them to be happy, not because we feel we have to or they won't give us love.. why are people so dam confused about this? Why?

Because people are selfish and want things without earning them first, they want to take it from others efforts because they lack the courage to face themselves and generate the feelings they need within first, so they can give it without requiring reciprocation first..

They think they are entitled when in reality they're not.

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seeding love instead of chasing it

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Why can't people just relax and let love happen to them?

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They always have to bury themselves in the pain of the past, something that (ideally) offers lessons not repeating of the same problems, not to plague us but only stays there causing fear to breed, until we resolve it, resolve it by showing it that it doesn't own or control you..

For until you release the fear, you'll infect not only your own happiness, but anyone who tries to love you!

Why can't people relax and just love, not frustrate, if two people just respected one another and paid attention to each other's feelings AND NEEDS they would sustain the Love chemicals that the body releases, and void of the frustration that sets in when one gets selfish and only thinks of themselves..

For example, when someone feeling like they're being toyed with, their heart strung along, usually for good reason, they lash out, out of pain, not of trying to hurt the other..

Revenge has no place in love but pain makes it hard to be rational.. Yet sometimes we do stupid things, say stupid things, yes it's us being selfish, but does this mean they have to reciprocate the selfishness too? Isn't love trying to see past the words and understanding the pain behind them, investigating why they're hurt, not that they're losing their temper?

Wouldn't it be love to look past that and realize that they're hurt and try to give them what they 
knows they need to relieve the pain so maybe they can with his/her uncanny understanding and patience and above all trust, break away from his pain because the love for her/him is also powerful enough to recognize the other's efforts..?

What if his pain is unbearable and he's caught up in a tailspin, and has been so patient with her that he lost his way, and her simply showing up and giving him a warm hug to show she cares, was the cure?

Would he not release his anxieties and refocus his attention on her needs? Love is confusing sometimes, but just letting go and letting love- ah that's the answer to the most frustrating of circumstances.

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intertwined in love

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It's when the two become intertwined by their own baggage, that love becomes complicated- but the love isn't the problem- it's been replaced by other things- like confusion, frustration, animosity- I could go on but I think you get the point.

When love is defined by selfishness, It takes a lot of energy to sustain "love" for someone who isn't giving it back in kind, what hurts is you start to starve for their attention and when they don't give it you feel neglected, you feel like you need it because so much mental attention goes into missing them, into wanting to be with them.

But is it really them or is it that you feel your lacking, that unresolved issue that you chased love to resolve like it was a prescription drug to cure your pain? I think the latter. Real love can't be taken away- it's something you develop inside and share with another- it's self sufficient in the right soil/nurturing environment.

Love has powerful implications but the same chemicals released and continuously sent into the body have two blades, two sides, one laced with thoughts of admiration and freedom, creates an environment (the body's) of bliss, aspirations, motivation, and wonderful sensations unlike anything else, but the same chemicals lacing the body while frustration and thoughts of betrayal are like gunpowder and the match of denial..

The reality is the chemicals true currency weren't forged in love, love created in you- but rather in some desperate attempt to feel love through her or him, instead of being stimulated by them, you made them the true currency and when they pull away, when they back out.

You're currency becomes useless, worthless, and since it's not grounded inside you- you feel the lacking when they are not feeding the bank. The same chemicals that made you feel love are still capable of being created- they came from you- but you gave the other the reigns instead of realizing it was you not them, that created them the whole time.

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Michelle And Jerrico 2009
Michelle And Jerrico 2009

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Love of another is not something to be taken for granted, to be used up, consumed, or to be selfishly taken or "expected" (There goes that attitude of entitlement- a word that doesn't exist in the dictionary of love). Until you realize that love, real love is in you love will always be confusing.

Not needing another makes you ready to experience real love- accepting them for them, accepting that they may be here one day- gone the next- and that you can't expect anything, but if you relax, and enjoy the moment- it tends to attract them to you.

Because what it was in the first place was you, they liked, you they fell in love with- not this person that became a stress in their life- that started expecting things, that stopped truly loving them, for them, not for what they could give you-

When you realize love is self inflicted then experienced as a reaction to external and internal stimulus, and attracts the like- like attracts like- you'll understand what love truly is, and it will be yours, until you try to "own" it. Love isn't owned any more than people are (legally lol). Like becomes dislike when it changes out of phase with love's true energy form... if you don't know what that form is, be patient- you'll understand someday- until then, maybe you should read this again. Thank you for reading!

Good Luck.

-Jerrico, 2007, long before I met my true love (but I DID meet her when I realized I was pushing love away). Keep fighting, it's well worth the prize!

 

Updated: 01/02/2013, Jerrico_Usher
 
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